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I have no idea what I'm doing! Just 2 months ago I was heartbroken about Sarah and now I'm inviting a girl I just met over for beer.
I know I like her, that's for sure but maybe I'm jumping in too fast? I don't know, Zack said to go with my best instincts but what do I know? I had been with Sarah for 10 years! I can't just jump back in the game after that! No...I'm not jumping back in. It's just two people who met, who are fond of each other hanging out. It's just two people, being friendly. Nothing romantic about a couple beers, some of my own music and two friends.
"Should I even be doing this?" I ask Zack as we sip on some beers.
"Yes...dude, look. You like her? That's not a bad thing. So it's only been a few months since your divorce, that doesn't mean you can't move on. And you're not even moving on, you're hanging out with a friend."
"I just can't shake this feeling...like I should be upset right now, you know about Sarah? But I'm not, I'm only nervous and excited about seeing Rion. She's so great and super nice." I tell him. Talking about Rion gives me butterflies that I can't shake, I have a need to talk about her.
"If you don't feel sad about Sarah than you don't. Sarah is gone, she's moved on and so should you. It's clear that you like Rion so don't try to stop it." He encourages me and I nod.
----
Rion buzzes the intercom and I let her in. My nerves are on edge and I feel like I'm going to explode. I hope it goes well.
There's a knock and my head jolts up. I can do this.
I go to the door, unlock it and open it. There I see a beautiful girl with a huge grin on her face. In one hand is a 6 pack of beer and in the other is a laptop bag.
"Hi" she greets me. I just nod and let her in. "So that house we were at earlier is just-what?" She asks as she looks around my apartment.
"Umm my old house, I just wanted one last photo shoot before I was officially out" I inform her.
"Oh wow, well this place certainly isn't a downgrade. It's like 2 times the size of my apartment" she sets her stuff down.
"Oh really? Well I'm sure you'll get a better place soon."
"On my salary?" She laughs. "In like 5 years"
I choose to ignore that comment because I don't know what to say, God this is awkward.
"Want to sit down?" I gesture to my couch and she nods, taking a seat. There's a small silence and then she opens her mouth to speak.
"So that music you wanted to show me?" She asks.
"Oh yeah...I hope it isn't vain of me to just show you my music." I ask with a small laugh.
"Oh, no." She shakes her head. "I think it's...cute" she shrugs with a laugh.
I pull out my phone and type in my band name in the search bar, I've never done this before as I don't really like listening to my own music. I click on the first song that comes up, I write sins not tragedies and play it.
She nods along as she listens to the very overplayed song but I just sit awkwardly, watching her.
After a minute or so into it she grabs my wrist and I feel heat radiate through my body.
"I can tell you aren't enjoying this so you can turn it off, I'll listen to it later" she says and pulls her hand away but I still feel it on my skin like it's a piece of clothing.
"I've just never enjoyed listening to my own music, I make it for everyone else to hear." I shrug.
"I got it" she laughs, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. She gets up and grabs the beers she brought from off the counter, handing one to me and we both open them. I take a sip and then set it done.
"Do you have those pictures?" I ask her, clearing my throat.
"Oh yeah..." she grabs her bag and pulls her laptop out. She does a few things and then slides it over to me. They are really good.
"These are amazing Rion. I would never have guessed this is your first time" I tell her as I go through them. I look up at her as she blushes and I smile at it. She's so cute.
"My mom was a photographer too, she showed me how to do it all" she tells me and I nod.
"Wow...so your mom? Are you still close with her? What's she like?" I ask, closing the laptop. I just have this desire to know everything about this girl.
"Yeah we're still close, I saw her a few months ago before I moved here. She's amazing. She's practically my best friend-I should say is..." she fades looking away.
"What do you mean?" I ask her.
"It's nothing" she shakes her head.
"It seems like something, do you wanna talk about it?"
"It's just...my best- well I thought she was my best friend, she went behind my back. She was messing around with my ex. I thought we were close but I was so wrong. I haven't talked to her since...I can't even remember. That being said, my mom is my best friend" she shakes her head.
"Oh, I'm sorry. It must suck to be hurt like that...I would know" I place a sympathetic hand on her thigh.
"How?" She questions, looking into my eyes. I pull my hand away and shake my head.
"Well I guess I owe you this story, considering.." I nod. "A while ago, I caught my ex wife cheating on me. She really hurt me..."
I ended up telling her the whole story, everything. From when we first met to the last thing I said to her. And she was listening to it all.
I can't believe I just told her my whole story, we just met but at the same time I want her to hear it. I want her to know everything about me.
"Looks like you and I are in the same place...heart broken" she shakes her head, picking up her half drank beer. "Were going to need more" she gestures to it and I nod with a smile.
"I'm not heartbroken...anymore at least. I just want to move on. To just not...I don't know, think about her anymore. I want something...someone else. I don't know, it's stupid" I shake my head, I want her, I want Rion. I know that but she probably doesn't want me.
"It's not stupid Brendon. She hurt you and you deserve to find someone else, someone who won't hurt you." She grabs my hand lightly. "I understand because I feel the same way too."
I don't say anything, neither does she. We just stare at each other for a second before I move in and press my lips to her. She breathes in and then kisses me back. This feels so different, so...wonderful. I push forward, needing more from her. She pushes towards me too, moving her hands to my hair. I swipe my lip against her bottom lip and she opens her mouth a little. My hands go to her sides and I push her against the couch. She pulls away for a breath and then comes back. Her hands move down to my neck and the down to my back. I am the first to pull away.
"Wow" is all I say as I wipe my thumb against my lip.
"That was umm...I-" she stammers. "I think I should...go." She stands.
"Rion, I'm sorry." I tell her, worried.
"No, don't be...I just-I have to-bye" She says confused as she gets her things together and leaves without another word.

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