A Life Beyond (Hard Time Series Book 2)

Not Your Fault

It was 1AM as Lena tossed and turned and Stef watched another boring show on TV. The kids were all passed out for now and neither woman could sleep for their life. It wasn't really stubbornness but something else. Something the two needed to address with each other.

 Lying there in the bed that felt empty, Lena realized how hard she was on her wife sometimes. No Stef wasn't perfect, this life was new to her and she was busting her butt everyday by not only being there for them but for everyone else that seemed to have problem. She was really no different then she was in jail where she took care of all the members of the Lion's Den the best way she knew how. 

Maybe Lena needed to cut her some slack and ask more questions before she went at her. Before she grew angry with her and before they both grew angry and hurt and blew up at each other.  Stef didn't piss her off often or on purpose, but when she did, she really did and tonight was no different.

 Originally they agreed just to tell Noah and Frankie that their fathers passed away. It was the easiet for now and not a lie. Cleary Stef didn't even mention Frankie's father tonight and went a totally different direction. Thinking back Lena now wondered what her wife was so afraid of and why she had not told Frankie what they discussed. Fear? Doubt? More questions? Whatever it was she needed to talk to her wife in a calmer way as tears now fell from her eyes as she thought back to their time together in prison, their time out of prison, and everything they had faced together as a couple. Hearing the front screen door open Lena got up and peeked out the window now seeing her wife sitting on the front  steps smoking and running her fingers through her hair. It was classic for her when she was upset or when they had a fight. Very and it was typical for both of them to give each other space. Lena didn't want her out there all night and she wanted her close to her in the bed. She did as she started to realize and remember that their situations were similar but different at the same time.  Yes they both murdered the fathers of their children and yes Noah would ask one day as well. But the situation with Jude changed it and added to the difference. It didn't make it any easier and maybe once Frankie did ask today it through Stef off leaving her tongue tied. That could have been it but what Lena also realized the more she got to know her wife was yes of course they handled life different, and processed things different. That was something that was easy to forget if she was honest but no matter what their commitment to  each other and to their family was something  they needed to trust. It was and it was something they knew would get them through all these obstacles especially as their children grew older. 

Seeing that her wife was still outside Lena threw her pj pants on and headed into the living room to see Stef's pillow and blanket on the the couch the the front door open. The last thing she wanted was to try to sleep another wink without her no matter how much they butted heads. It was crazy to say the least that sometimes they were both so stubborn and had to remember they were on each others side, that they were on the same team, and fighting for the same cause.

Slowly opening the screen door of their little home Lena took a seat beside her wife as the blonde looked to her unsure of what to say as she sipped on a beer. Both women remained silent for a few moments as the slim woman slid her hand inside her wifes and feeling Stef squeeze it. Their feelings of anger and annoyance never prevented affection when they calmed down and it would always be like that with them even through the most difficult times.

"I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I think I am very hard on you baby and I don't realize it. I'm sorry and you are an amazing mother, wife and friend.  I'm sorry I lost patience and instead of talking to you I just ignored you and yelled at you. That's not how we solve our problems and move on."

Putting her head down Stef now looked to Lena once again and squeezed her hand harder.

"I love you too babe. You're not hard on me. I don't always think and I'm impulsive as fuck." She said putting her cigarette out and letting out a sigh.