Finally, after what feels like forever, I return home.
I'm still angry at Vinny, and so I just walk through the house with my eyes full of tears and my face red and puffy from crying.
I stow away in my room, leaning against the door so no one can get in (short of teleporting). And I let the tears fall. I curl up in a ball and let myself be enveloped in depression and anxiety, I let myself be swallowed by the very same darkness I just crawled out of.
I am shattered in every way possible.
Do I lose him because of all the reasons that Vinny said?
Am I selfish for wanting Habit? Am I a bad person for the man I love? Or is it just that Vinny's scared and that's why he said those things.
There's a knock on the door behind me. I don't say anything, I just muffle my cries in my hand. And then Habit speaks, and I cry more.
"Y/n? Are you okay?"
"... go away ..."
I ball myself up and rock back and forth slowly, trying to calm myself down ... Why am I so cry-y? Why can't I calm down?
"Y/n, I can't help you if you don't let me in," he says.
Should I let him in? Should I tell him what Vinny said? A part of me wants to, but at the same time, another part of me doesn't want to. I don't want to hurt him.
But it seems like Vinny doesn't have those problems. He doesn't like Habit because he killed his friends, which I totally understand, but Habit is changing now.
Go away ...
"Please, let me in," Habit says softly.
Finally I get up and limp away from the door. He knocks nervously, and I curl up in the bed and wish I could die. Finally, the door unlocks and opens slowly.
Habit walks in looking both concerned and angry.
"Did he tell you what he said?" I ask.
"I heard the argument."
"I'm so sorry, Habit."
"It's not your fault. He's right. I'm a fuckin' parasite. I love you."
"I - "
And then he collapses to the floor.
