Fairy Tail x Reader Oneshots

*Natsu x Depressed!Self Harming!Reader*

A/N, this was requested by @horrorlover0201 so please enjoy~
Warning: very sensitive, serious and triggering topics. If anything here upsets you, please do contact me.

•Alone•

"Y/N... Y/N?.. Y/N!"

"Huh? Sorry! I was miles away... What did you say?"

There it is again. That same overly chirpy tone that isn't quite your voice, yet spoke the words that left your lips. By now you had nailed the act of feigning composed positivity, but occasionally when you were really deep in your mind you would mess up the act, which is where this oddly formal cheeriness comes from. What with the slight increase in pitch as you ended your words and the loud volume that formed them, it just wasn't right. It was clear that Lucy, who had just snuck into the seat next to you and tried to gain your attention, also noticed the badly acted fake-ness as she furrowed her brows slightly and softened her wide brown eyes.

"I just called your name, that's all... but Y/N, are you alright? That tone doesn't suit you." She asked, placing a hand on your shoulder for a moment as you forced your mouth to smile.

"Oh, yeah, I'm good, don't worry... you startled me that's all." You replied airily and with a vague wave of your hand, managing to play it off well enough as technically you didn't lie, but you didn't reveal the whole truth either. Nonetheless, your now more natural sounding tone seemingly convinced the blonde sufficiently so that she at least dropped the topic, regarding you with a small unsure nod before trying to move away from the slightly uncomfortable air.

"Sorry about that! But I just wanted to let you know that Natsu and I are going on a job together, he invited me. We'll be back this evening." Lucy smiled happily, and despite having no malicious intent, her phrasing seemed to mock you.

Again you forced a smile onto your lips as your stomach lurched; yet another smile that reached nowhere near your eyes. "Okay, be safe." You replied in a small voice, waving goodbye as the celestial mage bounced off to go spend time, alone, with your boyfriend.

Don't be stupid, he wouldn't cheat... don't you dare become that person who doesn't trust their partner. Lucy may be prettier and cheerier and bustier than I am, but Natsu says that he loves me... why he does, I don't know... Natsu is a good guy, I really don't deserve him. Like, at all... No, stop it Y/N, you're being ridiculous. He's allowed to go on a job with his friend and it'll all be completely fine.

"Dammit all..." You breathed, not meaning to speak out loud, but having gotten so lost in your thoughts that you'd forgotten that you weren't alone for once; you'd receded so far into your mind that you'd completely shut off from reality. A couple nearby people looked over at your words, so you hastily pretended to have broken a nail so was annoyed about that, but the damage was done. Not directly linking with your little slip up, per se, but having now remembered that you were in a room full of people was too much in that moment, as you were already so filled suspicions and guilt so the thought that any one of the few friends and many strangers present in that guildhall could come and interact with you at any given moment, while you were in a state not suitable to successfully act like you were fine, just sent you into a whirlpool of anxiety.

The feelings of guilt and suspicion fed off of each other relentlessly, as you were sceptical and worried about Natsu and Lucy, and then felt guilty for doubting their loyalty and friendship, so when added to a sickening anxiousness that had appeared from seemingly nowhere, rose like a tidal wave that would drown only you from within the crowds of bystanders. You felt suffocated and blinded.