Heart In The Armor (Alphonse X Reader)

Bad Times and Goodbyes

I've been sitting in my room for a while, my thoughts taking over my head, coming and going in waves. One of those thoughts was about where I'll go. Should I keep traveling with them?

Burden

Should I go back to the military base?

They'll probably lock you up, you're no use to them anymore

What about Chloe?

She wouldn't want you, and nobody else does.

I could go back onto the streets.

Pathetic.

Why am I thinking this? Why am I thinking I'm not enough? What's the problem? Why am I hearing this?

     I sit in wonder of what this is, questioning everything important I've done. Nicole? No, I'm long over that. Dad? I'm still trying to accept him. James? He's changed a lot over time, I think? Mom? Yeah, I feel guilty about it, but I have to get past it. Is it Lilly? I feel my heart sink, my eyes tear up.

You couldn't save her.

     I think that's it. Yeah, I've always felt horrible about Lilly, she was closest to me growing up, I still remember learning alchemy with her.

"(Y/N), look!" Lilly points up at the stars, she was 3 years old, I was 11, this was one year before we committed the taboo. I look up at the stars in the sky, in the country, they always look so beautiful, and so clear. "The Big Dipper! And over there! That star looks like another star!" Lilly always liked astronomy, when learning alchemy was to much for us, we looked up at the clouds or stars, using our imaginations to see situations with the things we see. "It looks like the star is being shot with an arrow by Big Dipper!" I feel a smile at my face, for a moment, I think if mom is looking down at us, her little girls looking up at the beautiful stars as her little girls learn about the world, but not being able to reach her from the stars, and can only see us.

     I need to go back there, back to my home town to see James and Chloe. I need to get out of this wheelchair. I need to tell them. I need to tell Alphonse.

He doesn't love you.

What the hell is going on? Why am I thinking like this? I look around the room, and out the window. It's pretty dark out. I hear a knock on the door.

"Can I come in?" I hear his hollow voice from the other side of the door.

"Yes." He opens the door slowly, then walks in.

"Is everything ok? You went straight in here when you got inside." He said, as he casted a shadow over me from his armor.

     "Yeah, everything's good." I feel a smile on my face, but I knew my red eyes, and cheeks told a different story. What am I saying? I can't be anymore wrong. It doesn't feel like this is me, it feels like someone is talking for me, but is using me to speak.

    "Are you sure?" I could tell he was concerned, because of the tone of his voice, he put his hand on my cheek, and looked into my eyes. "Where you crying?.."

     His voice was filled with worry and doubt. "You've been acting different this whole time." His thumb creased my check, as if he was wiping away the tears that weren't there.

     His hands went to my waist and picked me up, as if I where a cat, and put me on the ground, where I almost fell over before he supported me in his arms. It felt like I just started walking, like I was helpless without his support.

     I look up at him, he has a small pink tint on his helmet, I decide to smile at him, cause words couldn't show how thankful I was, for loving this armored, car loving, adorable friend. "I know things seem bad. But it's ok, things will get better, I promise." He pulls me into a hug, as it feels like it's only the two of us in this messed up world we're living in.

Timeskip

"The train's coming pretty soon." Ed said, as he, Ed, Al and I where waiting at the train station for my train. "Make sure to call once a month. I don't know how long I'll be gone. And if you're in the area, come to visit." I put my suitcase I usually travel around on my lap, and look over at them, feeling really short.

    "Hopefully next time I see you guys, I'll be out of this chair." I look up them, Ed has grown a bit, his hair is a bit longer than when I met him, Alphonse has a lot more dents inside his armor. I can't believe I've known them for almost 9 months, it feels like I've known them for years.

      "Got to admit, I'll miss you saving my ass in almost every fight." We laugh as the train arrives in the distance. I roll up to the train, and grab the sides and pull myself up, then grab my wheelchair and bring it up, go to my seat, and put up my wheelchair. I open the window, and wave at them as it passes. Then, I hear:

"I love you!"

     My head looks over to Alphonse, who has a blush on his face, and Ed has a smirk. I smile, feeling heat rush to my cheeks. "I love you too!" I say, as the train goes into the horizon, on the way to an old friends house.