The Bully I Thought I Lost... (Boyxboy)

Chapter Ten

It's been a few weeks since I began going out with Sarah. She's made me so happy through the rough times.

When we were in P.E, we had to play volleyball. I had always been good at volleyball, mainly in the spiking position, because I'm so small. Turns out, they were giving college scholarships to the people who they would like on their team. I've never heard of anything like that.
It just so happens to be that they liked my playing. They offered me the scholarship and I took it as it would be easier for me to pay off my college in later years.

Me taking this scholarship meant going to a whole new college. It wasn't more than 2 hours away but it was still a change. I had yet to tell anybody, but that was my goal today. It was a sunday and I woke up today, ready to tell Sarah. She should get to know first.

"Sarah! Come here!" I shout as she's folding clothes in the other room.
She comes in and stands in front of me.
"Sit." I say and pat the bed.
"What's up?" She asks.
"I got a college scholarship." I say, waiting for her to realize what it meant. She only sat there in confusion.
"It's because they saw me playing. They gave me a scholarship for a different school. To go on their team." I said sternly.
"That's great and all but what does that mean for us? Are you leaving?"
"Yes. And I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry! This is good for you! I'm proud of you! When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow...."
"Jaymes! What the hell? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She had raised her voice.
"I know I should have! But I didn't want to stress you! Only now I'm realizing that this might cause more stress..."

She sighed.
"Tell Devin and Lucas." She said
"They...got chosen with me. They said they needed the start of a team. With me being the right wing spiker, Devin the setter and Lucas the left wing spiker, we just need more people fill the spots for a big team..."
"Can you just leave me be for a bit to cope?"
"Yea." I got up walked towards the door. "I love you, Sarah." I leave as she said nothing back. I decided to go to my old dorm, as I still had a key.

I walked to the door, knocking politely.
No answer.
I used the key and entered the room.
It was a mess. There were clothes everywhere, paper everywhere, my bed was exactly how I left it.
Misha was sleeping in, so I decided to grab some stuff to take back. I ended up finding my old diary. I can't believe I left this behind. I flipped through the pages to find one apart from the rest and with different handwriting.

Hey Jay. You might think I read this but I give you my word. I didn't. I just wanted to say how much I love you and how much you helped me for the while I've known you. I never did much to deserve you. But when I saw your face every morning, I realized you deserve better than me. I mean...why would you settle for me? I'm a no good moron.
Before I finished reading it, tears filled my eyes and flooded the ink on the paper.
I always knew you were perfect. Ever since the beginning. Honest; I'm jealous of your hair. That's not my point. I just felt the need to tell you that I love you because you've always been here for me and I'm saying that when you need me, I'm here. Punch me if your angry. Just dont kick me in the nuts, please.

Sincerely, your beloved boyfriend.

Ps. I love you to bits.

I couldn't control my sobs. They were so loud, I woke Misha up. He looked at me in disbelief.
"Why are you crying?" He asked in a calm voice, staying on his bed and keeping his distance.
I threw the diary at him and he caught it, rereading his own words.

"I-I told you I loved you. I didn't mean for all this to happen... I don't care if you hate me now. I deserve it."
"I don't hate you! I still fucking love you and it hurts! It hurts so bad! I don't know what to do!"
I couldn't believe my own words. I still loved him. But what about Sarah? It makes me think I need to break up with her. All because I'm fucked in the head.