I Miss You ( An Ashton Irwin fanfiction )

I Don't Know What To Do

Ashton's P.O.V

I don't understand. Why is my son in this situation. Why did this have to fucking happen to us? I mean, yeah he is still alive but what if another tumor comes back and they can't fix it this time. I only met the little guy like two months ago, and I am not ready to say goodbye to him yet. I will never be ready to say goodbye.

It's been three weeks since Lucas's sugery, and we have all been a total wreck without him around the house. We go to the studio and try and get done what we need to but, Allie and I always have our minds somewhere else. We are always focusing on him instead of our music.

I think the boys are the same way. We all mess up, and we can focus on one topic long enough to write a song. If we do, Allie or i end up crying because something will make us think about what's going on with Lucas right now.

If we sing about heartbreak, I think about how I would feel if I lost him.

If we sing about the past, I think about what the first few months of his life were like since I wasn't there for them.

If we sing about the future, I think about how it'll be without him if he would die on us.

But can you really blame me?

"Ash, what are you thinking about?" I heard Luke say and I turned to look at him. I lket out a sigh realizing I was completely zoning out of the conversation the boys and I were having.

"I keep thinking about Lucas. What happenes if he dies Luke?"  I asked him. Luke's face dropped and a frown appeared. I put my head in my hands and let out another frustrated sigh.

"I can't believe this is happen ing to us. Lucas was perfectly fine one day and then the next thi shappened to him? How the hell did we not realize anything wrong? A tumor doesn't just show up in the blink of an eye." I babbled. Luke moved over and sat next to me, Mikey and Calum across from us.

"Mate he'll be fine. I believe in the little guy." Luke said.

"How can you possibly believe in him Luke? The doctor's told us he was supposed to wake up three days after the surgery. It's been three weeks and still nothing? How is that at all postive? There is obviously something wrong with that, and it is starting to make me think he won't wake up." I said, my words coming out so fast and tears coming to brim my eyes, once again.

"Ashton, the doctorhas said he will be fine and that the surgery was a success." Calum said.

"That only means they got the fucking tumor out Cal. That doesn't guarentee he'll live." I snapped, not meaning too.

"Mate you gotta calm down. I knw he's your son and all but Allie isn't acting like this." Mikey informed all of us. And that started to make me wonder where Allie even was. She went for a walk and never came back last night.

"Do any of you even know where she is? I haven't seen her all morning." I said.