Peculiarity(JeffMads/Modern AU)REVAMPING ❌

n i n t e e n

   I laid on the kitchen floor staring at the ceiling. My entire night had been spent crying and staring at the knifes wondering what I have to live for if I don't have James. I guess this is my punishment. I hadn't thought of charging my phone since I know had no one to talk to. I sat up, my head pounding at the rate of my slow heart beat. I stood up walking to the bathroom sliding a drawer open looking at the box of razor blades.

  Thoughts flooded my mind.

Just do it

Why, are you such a pussy?

Are you so much of a pussy that you want to do it?

  I pushed the drawer shut. James'll be back right? He won't leave me forever...I'll just give it a week.

Well a week came and went. No sleep. Just tears, regret, guilt and pain. I felt my conisoucness drift slowly. My cockiness had faded and I hadn't been to school.

  A knock arouse to my door. I sighed and didn't answer. Every time I answered the door it was the mail man and he would tell me how sleep deprived I look. I looked at the knife in my hand while sitting on the kitchen floor. The doorbell rang, I'm pretty sure my door is unlocked...or is it? I don't remember. I put the blade to my wrist. I've dealt with a bullet in the shoulder, how bad could a few deep cuts to the wrist be? I pressed down tensing up before closing my eyes and slicing.

  I felt light headed. My life still held little meaning, like a beat without a melody. I felt the liquid rushing down my arm, falling into my hand. I moved the blade as the bell rang again. I pressed down and dragged the blade across my wrist. This cut was anger filled, yet weak. It was almost as though with each slice my pain goes away. This time instead of a doorbell ringing I heard a click and a voice. I haven't heard anything other than my own sobbing and swearing in a week.

  "Thomas? Where you at man?" Burr. The fuck does he want? I grunted placing the knife down carefully, I put my left arm to my chest as I saw my vision begin to fade slowly.

I may not live go see our glory.

  Blood deeply stained my t-shirt. The pain really started to seep in.

But I will gladly join the fight.

  How does it feel knowing the only person that's ever cared about you shunned you and a week later you were slitting your wrists on a kitchen floor?

And when our children tell our story

   Like shit. Like I've ripped out my best friend's heart and then out of guilt torn my own out.

T h e y l l t e l l t h e s t o r y o f

T o n i g h t