I Knew You Were Trouble - (Fransykes)

Chapter thirty six

A/N: This is probably the worse chapter I have written so far tbh :\ I truly hate this. I feel as if i'm losing my spark with this story (and with writing in general) but I think its because I've been dragging it out for far too long that i've may have grown out of love with it? idk :\ I plan on finishing this story at Chapter 40 with hopefully a following sequel... I think this frustrating feeling will pass knowing this chapter is out of the now, it was really draining me. I think I just struggle writing in Oli's pov and struggling to get his feelings across most of the time :( meh, whatever its over with now. Enjoy my loves, I hope this isn't disappointing for you and I'll try to make the next chapter better than this one, promise. ily. xx

Side note ~ I just wanted to say that I don't know a single thing about Ronnie Radke whatsoever. All I know is that him and Trace Cyrus are friends in real life and thats all. Everything I write in this story about him is all fictional.

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Oli's POV

My fingers gripped viciously at the thick grass beneath me as I kneeled hunched over myself, choking up the vomit which my stomach overpoweringly brought up my throat after watching that disturbing video chat.

I couldn't come to terms with what I just witness. Years of torturing, manipulating, blackmailing and even ending lives of many others, my stomach, or more pacifically my heart, couldn't handle witnessing a little blood. The blood which flowed down those perfect cheeks of a helpless innocent life I have disgracefully given my heart to, was something I could never forget let alone forgive myself for.

No words could describe how useless I felt having absolutely no control over the situation and not having the authority to intervene and put an end to the brutality which was being played out in front of me. Only once have I ever had to endure something like that before and it didn't end well for all who were involved.

Having to sit and forcibly watch that bastard put his hands on my Sunshine and cut up his  beautiful face as if he was a scratch card had my blood boiling in rage. I couldn't bear being reminded of the crimson blood running down his cheek but that's all my brain kept playing over and over to me in my head like a broken record player. That blade slicing across his precious face and harshly staining his pure features because I was too cowardly to speak up in time and admit my true feelings out loud.

My entire body was shaking ferociously, heavy breaths were falling from my lips as it felt like my lungs were going to cave in on themselves and stop completely. I brought a shaky hand up to my chest and clutched the fabric of my tank top tightly as I struggled to regain my breathing.

Shameful tears fill in my sunken cheekbones revealing how despicable I had fallen for showing such weakness over another human being. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid! All this pathetic cry baby soppy bullshit, feeling for another, it was a death sentence and a dishonour on my reputation.

I punch at the grass in aggravation, hating what I had become. For the last five months I tried countless of times to shake that feeling to not feel at all. I just wanted to be numb again and not have to deal with this agony of pain which tugged on my heart constantly all the time because of being apart from him. I hated it, I just wanted to be on my own again, but I secretly feared being alone. The silence scares me because it screams the truth and I wanted to escape that.