Brave Enough To Love Again

Chapter 65

Keane

When we were inside her apartment, I could tell that she lived there by herself. There was no sign of a guy sharing her space with her. I wondered what happened to Greg, my ex-business partner whom she cheated on me with.

She invited me to her living room, "Wait here, I'll just get us something to drink."

"No, thanks. I don't want anything to drink. Let's just get this over with."

I saw the look on her face when she heard and processed my words. She was deeply hurt and was once again close to tears. But, she plastered a smile on her face and went into her kitchen, "I'll just get us both some water, just in case."

I looked around her apartment while she was gone. It was plainly decorated, not the way I remembered her taste, which was lush, grand and luxurious. She loved expensive stuff and used to buy lots of it while we were together.

Amanda returned with two glasses of water which she put on her small coffee table before sitting on the other end of the couch where I sat.

"Thank you for finally agreeing to talk to me."

I didn't agree, you gave me little choice in the matter. I didn't say anything.

There was a moment of silence where she just looked at me while I just stared at the glass of water she had put in front of me on the coffee table. I waited.

"I'm so sorry," she had trouble keeping her tears at bay. I looked up at her.

"For what I did to you," her voice was shaking, she was gulping hard, as if trying to swallow a lump in her throat which just wouldn't go away, "for what I did to us."

She grabbed a box of tissue which was conveniently lying on the coffee table, as if it was needed regularly, as if crying was a common thing. Amanda blew her nose before talking again, " I ruined everything. I ruined us."

"I'm so sorry. You were the only good thing that ever happened to me. And I hurt you." She was sobbing and was having trouble speaking.

I felt uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. So, I just sat there and looked at the stupid glass again because I couldn't watch her cry. A small part of me that couldn't stand the sight of a woman's tears felt sorry for her. But I didn't move a muscle to give her some comfort of any kind. The pain and the betrayal I felt on our wedding day still hadn't faded, not completely at least.

"I, I felt so lonely, so alone. You were gone the whole time."

There it was. Was she blaming me for not being there, which made her cheat on me? Was she using the "look-what-you-made-me-do-excuse" on me?

I looked at her to see her face after saying those words, but there was no sign of accusation in her face, only sadness and regret.

"It was all my fault. I felt rejected. All you did was work. You even slept at your work place. You were married to your work."

I did it for you, for us, for our future together.

Having grown up in poor circumstances, she enjoyed everything money could buy when we lived together. I had spoilt her, let her buy whatever she needed and wanted to make up for everything she was denied in her past. I worked harder to be successful, so that I could provide for her, for us, in a way that would make her happy and carefree for the rest of our lives together. A regular job wasn't good enough. I was determined to succeed in my business venture with Greg.

I kept my mouth shut. The tears kept rolling and rolling down her cheeks. There was no end to those drops of anguish and misery.

"You didn't show any signs of desire for me."