Scars Of The Past || Jerrie

Thirty-Five

Jade

I fiddled with my key chain as I replayed Perrie's voice mail for the third time in a row. Because I had also listened five times before going to bed the night before, I knew the words by heart. That didn't make it any less important to hear them again now. Standing on my front porch with Jackson at my side, I was trying to work up the nerve to get in my truck. Hatchi's agility trial began in fifty minutes, so if I wanted to make it there on time, I needed to leave immediately.

Perrie's apology sounded so sad. Apparently my silence had led her to take all the responsibility for our separation, even as I came to a different conclusion. Though I appreciated her promise never again to leave me alone with my demons, being away from her had forced me to deal with some issues I never imagined I could. Right or wrong, the possibility of losing her made me realize that if I wanted to be in a relationship with someone, I had to push myself even harder than I did when I was alone. Because it wasn't all about me anymore.

I closed my phone and tucked it into my pocket. I had wanted to go to the event before our separation, but I wasn't positive I would have. Now I didn't have a choice. Though Perrie wouldn't hold it against me if I didn't, I needed to swallow my fear and go. For Hatchi, for Perrie, for myself.

"Easier said than done," I said to Jackson. "Right?"

With his large yellow eyes and solemn face, Jackson always looked as though he were commiserating with whatever I said. I rubbed his ears, then exhaled.

"We can do this," I murmured under my breath. I could do anything, right? After coming out to my sisterin-law, bother and my mother on the same exhilarating day, something like this shouldn't faze me. I just had to drive to Santa Rosa and sit in a crowd of spectators who would be paying more attention to the competing dogs than to me.

Piece of cake.

I snorted. This was anything but a piece of cake. But I would do it anyway. To prove to Perrie and to myself that I could, and to show her that I would do absolutely anything to keep her.

Drawing up every ounce of my courage, I stepped off the porch with Jackson in tow. I buckled us into the car quickly, then turned the truck's engine over and pulled out of the driveway in one swift motion. If I didn't allow myself to hesitate, hopefully I would reach a point where it would be too late to back out. Because the last thing I wanted was to back out now.

I had considered returning Perrie's call last night, but held back for the same reason I'd stayed silent for the past week. I didn't want to make any promises I couldn't keep, and I hadn't been sure I would be able to work up the nerve to go today. It had seemed easier to say nothing and hope for the best, even while reserving the right to fail miserably at this test of my new resolve. Going to the agility trial had taken on epic importance in my mind, and if I was going to chicken out I didn't want to disappoint her too.

What would Perrie think if Jade managed to show up? Or, rather, when Jade showed up? She would be proud, no doubt. But would she be upset that Jade hadn't called first? Or even offered to ride with her? Perrie had to be frustrated by Jade's failure to return her calls, even though she sounded more worried than irritated. Especially when Jade gave no indication that continuing to call was anything but a pointless waste of time.

And yet the calls kept coming, bless her heart. Some part of me had been testing her, trying to determine whether she would cut and run at the first sign of trouble. These past few weeks weren't among my finest moments, though I liked to think I had achieved some measure of grace here at the end. Being honest with my family about her, and having our relationship accepted, was huge. It got me ready to take the next step, which was to invite her back into my life.