Scars Of The Past || Jerrie

Thirty-Six

Perrie

After the ceremony in which Hatchi was awarded a ribbon and a squeaky toy for his performance, I followed Jade's truck back to Bodega Bay. Unfortunately for both of us, I had forgotten my cell phone and so it would be a long, silent fifty minutes before we could begin to hash out the last few weeks. Riding separately was torture when all I wanted was to be with her. Our brief hug at the fairgrounds had triggered a deep, physical need that I had been trying hard to suppress. Now that it had surfaced, it wouldn't be easy to shut down again.

When we finally pulled into Jade's driveway, I threw open the car door and called for Hatchi to follow. She hopped out of her truck and helped Jackson out the passenger side, then we both hurried to the front door. My breath caught when she pulled off her sunglasses, revealing the brown eyes I had so missed gazing into.

"I'm sorry the place is a bit of a mess," she said as she unlocked the door.

"I doubt it is." I had learned that her idea of messy was roughly equivalent to my own concept of sparkling clean. When we stepped into the house, I laughed. "My house hasn't looked like this since I moved in."

She smiled shyly. "Well, I've got some dishes in the sink."

"Let's just avoid the kitchen, then."

"Probably best." She hesitated, then took my hand and silently led me to the couch in the den. Releasing me, she sagged against the cushions. "Now that I've got you here, I'm nervous."

"Why?"

"Because of the way we left things last time." Her jaw tightened. "Because of the way I behaved."

"I don't blame you for getting upset." I took her hand again, needing the contact. "I made a mistake, telling you that we should spend time apart. I'm sorry."

"No, you were right. I asked you for impossible things. You deserve better than someone who doesn't want to be seen with you."

My chest ached. What Jade said was true, but I should have asked for what I needed in a more sensitive way. "And you deserve someone who understands that recovery takes time and that sometimes there are setbacks. I'm sorry I wasn't that person."

She looked down at our joined hands and lifted the corner of her mouth. "How about we both say we hope we can be better in the future?" She met my eyes tentatively. "We do have a future, right?"

"I hope so." I blinked back tears at the thought of life without her. "I want to try for one."

"Me too."

I thought I had sabotaged things between us, and now I felt boneless with relief. "I was scared. I saw all the ways that loving you could lead to heartbreak, and I acted out of fear and pushed you away. Only to realize that being scared is better than the alternative."

"You also acted out of concern. I was having trouble coping with the idea of people knowing I was with a woman, and I should have talked to you about it. Instead I tried to hide it, and you did what you thought was right. I get that. I didn't at the time, but I do now."

"I was concerned. I am concerned. I don't want to see everything you've worked so hard to achieve slip away because of me." I shifted closer to her. "You are so strong, and so brave, and I want you to be happy. I know it can't be easy, any of it, and being in a relationship like this certainly doesn't make things any easier."

"I was afraid of becoming a media story again. Scared that my family would find out I was with a woman by watching the news." She flushed. "I should have talked to you so you could understand what I was thinking. But I worried that knowing you could be trotted out for public consumption would scare you away."

"Nah." I had no doubt it wouldn't be fun, but three weeks without her had shown me there were far worse fates. "I can handle it."

"I hope you won't have to."

"Me too." I smiled and touched her face. "For both our sakes."

She returned my smile. "I told my mom and my sisters about you. Found out my sister-in-law Shireen slept with a girl in college. I'm not sure I'll ever shake that image, but it was worth it."

Shocked, I said, "You told them? Everything?"

"Well, not the sordid details. But I told them I've fallen for a veterinarian named Perrie, who is a wonderful woman. They were all really happy for me. And obviously quite relieved. It was good to talk to them."

"Wow." That she had somehow found the courage to come out to her family filled me with hope that everything would indeed be okay.

She wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. "Thank you. For some reason I'd been avoiding talking to them, but I feel so much better now. And not only telling them about us, you know? Just talking to my family again. I've missed them."

I put both arms around her and rested my chin on a strong shoulder. I closed my eyes, savoring her heartbeat against my chest. "That's amazing, Jade. I never expected that so soon. But I'm really happy for you."

"Well, you were right. I was insisting on total secrecy, and a relationship can't thrive under those conditions."

I could tell that she had been talking to her therapist. That was a good sign. "Just so you know, I don't expect to hold hands and kiss on the street. That's not what I was asking."

"I know. Doesn't mean that's not something to work toward. One day."

"Wow." That was probably the last thing I had expected to hear. Whether or not I had been right to suggest time apart, it appeared to have done Jade a lot of good. "Well, for now I'd settle for the easy stuff."

"None of it's easy."

I had a flash of her in that headscarf, knife pressed to her throat. "No, you're right. I'm sure it's not."

"All I can do is promise that I will try my hardest. Always."

"That's all I can ask."

"And all I ask is that you give me a chance. Even if I stumble."

I blushed, ashamed that she even had to appeal for such a thing. "You were right, you know. I did tell you I would be patient, and I knew perfectly well what I was getting into with you. I should have helped you work through your fears. It wasn't fair to run away like I did."

"I appreciate that. A lot. Thank you."

"Let's promise each other something," I said. "In the future we'll talk about our fears instead of just reacting to them."

"I promise."

"Good. Me, too." I stared into her eyes, something stirring deep in my belly. "I love you, Jade. I don't want to lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

I felt a twinge of fear. That wasn't a promise anyone could make. But it was the best Jade could do. And it would have to be enough. "I'm going to kiss you now, okay?"

"Okay." Her voice caught and she gripped my arms, drawing me closer. "I love you so much."

Knowing that words could never come close to expressing what I felt, I pressed my lips to hers and almost burst into tears at how much this felt like coming home. Jade inhaled sharply when I pressed my tongue inside, then clutched her as though frightened she would draw away.

Though we hadn't kissed in weeks, there was nothing tentative about our joining. She pressed me back against the sofa cushions, easing on top of me with a newfound confidence that set me on fire. I wrapped my legs around her and used my hands to trace the contours of her face as we kissed. I groaned at the sheer decadence of her heavy weight on me and the knowledge that we had no place else to be tonight.

She broke our kiss first. "You taste so good." She skimmed her hand over my stomach, then settled lightly on my breast. "I want to make love to you badly, Perrie. I know we've barely had a chance to talk, but—"

I shook my head. We were beyond words now. "We can talk later. Right now I want to show you how I feel."