Scars Of The Past || Jerrie

Twenty

Perrie

My cell phone rang twenty minutes before I was due to pick up Jade for our first date. I considered ignoring the call, but when I saw Leigh-Anne's number I answered. Though I hated to stomp on her dreams of having performed the ultimate fix-up, we had to have this conversation eventually. We hadn't spoken since the blind date, and she had to be dying of curiosity.

Her greeting confirmed my suspicion. "How'd it go?"

"It was nice." Dinner had been delicious, conversation easy, and Ally most likely would have agreed to a second date. In a world without Jade, I probably would have asked. "Ally's a really nice girl."

"Uh-oh." She sounded disappointed. "That bad?"

"No, not bad at all." I burned to tell Leigh-Anne about what had happened with Jade. I usually shared everything with her, but I wasn't ready to share this. The whole thing was still too new, too fragile. Better to see how things went before I admitted to her that I was flirting with a potentially dangerous situation. "We had a good time. Ally's very funny."

"And cute, right?"

"Totally cute," I said. And she was. Ally was perfectly cute and genuinely funny. She just wasn't Jade. "I don't think we'll see each other again, though."

Leigh-Anne sighed. "I had such high hopes."

"I know you did." I checked my hair in the mirror, then grabbed my sweater. Patting Hatchi on the head, I walked to the door. "It's okay, Leigh. I had a lot of fun. Hopefully she did, too. I just don't think there's any future for us."

"I wasn't expecting you to get married or anything."

"I know." I locked the door behind me and hurried to my car. The sun hung low in the sky, painting the clouds in shades of pink and red. A cool breeze blew in from the ocean, carrying the distant noise of sea birds. "I'll be all right."

"Of course you will." She was clearly bummed out. "I was just hoping to find someone to help take your mind off other things."

Like Jade. "I appreciate that. But don't worry about me, okay? Seriously, I'm doing great."

"Okay." She didn't sound convinced. "What are you up to tonight?"

I cringed. "I'm having dinner with Jade."

"Perrie—"

"I know, I know." I started my car and transferred the call to my wireless headset. "I told you I'm okay. Trust me, please?"

She sighed. "I trust you."

"No more one-sided feelings for straight women," I said. Technically it was the truth. My feelings no longer seemed to be one-sided, and Jade was definitely not what I would consider 100 percent straight. "I promise."

"It's that easy?"

"I love you, Leigh-Anne. Thanks for looking out for me." I was done talking about this for now, so I said, "I need to let you go. Talk to you later?"

"Yeah. Bye."

I disconnected the call and shifted into reverse. I didn't want to defend my decisions to Leigh-Anne right now. Especially not when I was worrying about them myself. Though I couldn't imagine not taking a chance on Jade, I was scared of all the ways it could go wrong. Already I was losing my heart to Jade Thirlwall, and I had no idea if a real relationship would be possible. Not only because she had so much to overcome, but also because this was my own first try at caring for someone since Shay's death.

I was torn between the bone-deep need to love and be loved, and the paralyzing fear of having my heart broken again just as it was starting to heal. Though I felt ready to give love another try, Jade Thirlwall was most likely a terrible risk. She had never been with a woman. She struggled to perform many of life's everyday tasks, and she was prone to panic attacks. On top of it all, she was apparently coping with some degree of sexual dysfunction.