Scars Of The Past || Jerrie

Fifteen

Jade

"Jade?"

Jed's voice on the other end of the phone caught me off guard. How long had it been since we spoke? At least eight months. I should have called him after moving to Bodega Bay, but hadn't worked up the nerve.

"You there, Jade?"

"I'm here." It was unnerving to hear from him, especially after Dr. Nelson's comments comparing what I had felt for him to my friendship with Perrie. Yet it warmed me that he cared enough to call. I wouldn't have blamed him if he hadn't.

"It's nice to hear your voice."

I closed my eyes. "It's nice to hear yours, too." It hadn't been easy for me to end our relationship. Not when he had been my constant companion since freshman year of high school. He had shipped out to Baghdad three months before I had, and we returned home at the same time. By that point we were like strangers.

"How are things in California?"

"Good," I said. "I really like it out here." Jackson leaned against me heavily, so I added, "I got a Great Dane."

"Really? Sweet."

"Yeah, he's great. His name is Jackson."

"Nice."

I chewed on my lip, unsure what to say. I wanted to tell him so many things. That I was sorry I'd been unable to look at him when he visited me at Walter Reed. That I didn't know why I hadn't been able to stand his hugs or his sympathy. That I really had loved him, but in the end it didn't matter. All I knew after Iraq was that I couldn't be with him. There was no place for Jed in my life anymore.

Instead of saying any of those things, I asked, "How are things there?"

"Oh. Good." Jed cleared his throat, sounding just as uncomfortable as I felt. "Things are great, actually. I, uh, met a girl."

"Oh." I forced a brightness into my voice that I didn't really feel. "Wow. That's wonderful."

"Thanks. It kind of is, yeah." Jed paused, then said, "Actually, part of the reason I called was to tell you that I've asked her to marry me."

A pang of sorrow deep in my stomach took me by surprise. "Oh." That hadn't taken long.

"For some reason she accepted." Jed waited a moment, and when I didn't speak, he said, "I wanted you to hear it from me."

"I appreciate that." I sat down on the couch, no longer trusting myself to stand. The news hit me harder than I expected. It didn't matter that I could never see myself being with him again. We were still Jade and Jed, and I had known since I was fifteen that we would be together forever. That dream had died in Iraq, but I hadn't expected fresh evidence of its demise.

"Are you okay, Jadey?"

The nickname took me back to high school. Saturday afternoons lying on his bedroom floor, listening to Eagles albums. That time we cut class and just drove around in his car, talking about our futures. Counting the days until graduation so we could enlist. Why had I pulled away?

"I'm fine," I said. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you."

"I don't expect you to be happy for me."

"But I am." After a moment of reflection, I realized it was true. When I broke up with Jed the most difficult part had been seeing the pain I caused him. At that point I felt very little about my own loss. I was totally numb, even about my inability to remain intimate with the only person who'd ever told me he loved me.