Killer [Hyungwonho]

Twenty Three

Hyungwon settled down on the bed, eyes staring at the ceiling.

"You know, I think it was deserved," Changkyun sat next to him. "I'm saying, you had it coming, Hyungwon."

"I hope Jooheon breaks up with you," Hyungwon snapped.

"Listen, lying around in Hoseok's hoodie and yelling at me isn't a good way of coping. I'm just saying look at how you've treated him."

So, Hyungwon did. He thought about how untrustworthy he had been. Hoseok was right; Hyungwon wasn't exactly a trustworthy person. He snuck behind Hoseok's back to kill people, only to see later Hoseok's sad eyes as he pointed out dried blood on Hyungwon's neck.

Hyungwon was a shitty boyfriend. He lied to Hoseok often. He had bad moods when he pushed Hoseok around and demanded things from him. Hyungwon wasn't great, or even good. He was terrible.

He wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to pull Hoseok's hoodie closer to himself. It had been a week since Hoseok basically broke up with him. Hyungwon got his job back at the coffee shop, but he felt empty besides guilt.

"What do you want me to do, Kyun? He won't speak to me. He doesn't trust me."

Changkyun gently petted Hyungwon's hair. "I'm saying Hoseok and you are over. Forever"

It hit Hyungwon like a train. Hoseok had been clear. He never wanted to see Hyungwon again.

I actually love you.

The phrase felt wrong. Hyungwon loved Hoseok. He loved Hoseok more than anything. Did he not show it enough? Did he give the impression that he was using him? According to Hoseok, he didn't want to be used. Hyungwon didn't think he was using Hoseok. Truthfully, he just wanted Hoseok to love him.

Another thing, the phrase implied that Hoseok still loved him, even when he believed Hyungwon was cheating on him. That baffled Hyungwon too. If he thought Hyungwon was cheating, why would he still tell him he loved him? Hoseok was confusing.

"You're right." Hyungwon sat up. "Hoseok hates me. We are over, period. It doesn't matter what I say anymore because he is gone."

"That's the spirit. Now, do we have to kill people to cheer you up, or can we just eat ice cream?"

Hyungwon ran a hand through his black hair. "Don't you get it, Changkyun? I'm done. I'm done killing and I can't even feel anything anymore. All I can think about is that I never did anything right, and when I did, he left. I don't want to be here anymore, Kyun."

"Hyungwon, stop. You can go back to college. You can do whatever you want to. Don't overreact because a guy broke up with you," Changkyun explained.

"I'm not overreacting! What's the point, huh? I ruined the only thing good that's ever happened to me. I'm a fucking awful person, Kyun. I killed inocent people, and Hoseok justified it and stayed by me. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't want to be here. Here as in earth. I don't want to breath." He whispered the last sentence.

Hyungwon wished he was overreacting. How could he carry on a life that ruined everything? It can't be justified by a mental illness; It can't be justified at all. He killed people, people who didn't deserve it. Hoseok just stood next to him and let it happen. He made Hoseok go against all of his values.

How could he live with himself if he ruined the life of the only person who ever showed him that he was really loved?

He didn't want to.

Changkyun lowered his voice. "Hyungwon, don't say things like that. We've done some terrible things, but we don't deserve to just die. Do you think Hoseok could live with himself if he figured out after he broke up with you, you killed yourself?"

"What if he doesn't know?"

-

Hyungwon quietly handed a woman back her change and motioned for her to stand off to the side to wait for her coffee. She was an older woman, probably in her fifties. Her black hair had streaks of grey, but her eyes still shined.

Other than the sound of the espresso machine and the music playing, the cafè was quiet. It was something Hyungwon could handle; he needed it.

All good things must come to an end, usually at the hands of Yoo Kihyun.

"He's doing fine, by the way," Kihyun told him after handing the woman her cup.

Kihyun was, well, Kihyun. He wore a white buttoned up shirt with a black ribbon tied where the tie goes and black skinny jeans. He had prominent cheek bones, and when he smiled, his eyes would completely disappear. Hyungwon would've liked him a lot better if he wasn't so outspoken and demanding, not to mention he stuck his nose in other people's business.

He continued, "He moved into an apartment with Minhyuk on the other side of town. Hyunwoo was fired, so Hoseok is the new head of the department."

"He told you we broke up," Hyungwon said softly. "I'm glad he is safe."

It had been three weeks since they broke up, and Hyungwon was barely still breathing.

"If I was broken up with, I'd like to know how they were doing," Kihyun said in a much quieter voice than before. There was an unsaid name in his sentence; he spoke from experience.

Hyungwon knew it was probably rude to pry and ask Kihyun who he was talking about, but his mouth worked faster than his brain. "Who is it?"

"Minhyuk," Kihyun stared at the floor. "He said it's okay to stay as best friends, so that's all we are." His voice broke. "How- How am I supposed to stand to the side and watch him hurt because Hyunwoo fucking abused him?"

"I don't know," Hyungwon said sadly.

Truthfully, he never really liked Kihyun, but for once, he wanted to spend time with him. Kihyun was someone he could relate to, and he needed someone like that.

"Anyways, Hoseok is alive, and that's what counts. I don't know much more since Minhyuk says they both need space from everyone."

"Thank you," Hyungwon smiled sincerely but sadly.

"And Hyungwon?"

Hyungwon hummed.

"If you love him, let him go. If he loves you, he will come back. If not, you'll probably hurt forever."

They fell back into a silence filled by machines, music, and unspoken pain.