Friends.

Chapter 58- 3 Days to NY

3 Days till New York

For the longest time, I’ve wanted to dye my hair a lighter brown, but hesitated at the thought of changing something drastic. I know it’s just hair, and can easily be changed back, but I was never ready to make that kind of commitment to something so different to my natural hazelnut brown locks.

Until today. “A girl who changes her hair is about to change her life.” That saying could not be any truer to me right now, so I finally bit the bullet and got my hair dyed light brown…it’s lighter than I expected, almost blonde. But it feels good. It feels fresh and new and is exactly what I need right now. 

I can’t pretend there isn’t this dark aura following me around, there still is and I can’t imagine it going away any time soon. But maybe that’s a good thing, maybe the harder this is to get through, the easier it will be next time, and the harder it will be for me to fall back into one of their traps. Despite that, this insignificant hair colour change has given me the boost I need, acting as a shining beacon of light in the darkness.

Linda calls me everyday, sometimes twice a day, and forces me to tell her how I’m feeling. Even if I was feeling okay I would feel obliged to feign upset because she’s so set on this idea that I can’t brush my feelings under the rug and walk away anymore.

I run my fingers through my hair as I walk down Westminster Bridge Road, surprised by how soft it feels after being dyed. The girl did a treatment but warned me the light tones will damage my hair soon enough. Every time I catch my reflection in a shop window, I am thrown aback by how different I look. It’s a small change, but it’s perfect. The sun is setting on this average uneventful day, and I admire the way the lights of the city are starting to flicker on.

I stop dead in my tracks, forgetting where I was going when I see the flocks of tourists crowding around the London Eye. I had been eyeing it on my walk, seemingly unaffected until the nostalgic feeling rushed through me. I’ve only lived in London a short while, a year and a half, but I visited so much growing up, only living a 50 minute train ride away. Now I’m moving away and I’m suddenly feeling very sentimental over my life here. Last year was relatively fun, this year not so much so far. Although I guess almost every memory I have here includes Harry, Gemma and our uni friends. I will just have to make new friends in New York and make better memories with them.

I find myself standing in line for the London Eye, wanting to get one last picturesque view of this beautiful city. I will definitely be moving back here one day, after I’ve become partner.

It’s the perfect time of day for this, my eyes are entranced by the scenic views of London as the wheel spins slowly around. I’m glued to the glass of the carriage, amazed by the way the city is slowly coming to life as darkness descends.  Every light represents another life…or many life and I can’t help but realize how everyone seems so insignificant from a distance, reduced to a little light in a building but in reality, every one of these people would have some issue they’re stressing over…or something that’s making them very happy. Over 8 million people live in London, and here I am so consumed by my own issues, when I’m just a little light in a building too…none of this really matters in the end does it?

In a few months it won’t matter that I feel betrayed, and hurt and heartbroken. It won’t matter that I feel completely alone other than Linda. My pain won’t matter then, in fact, it’s rather infuriating that Harry and Louis both have the ability to absolutely belittle my existence and make me feel so low. It’s fucked.

I am Charlotte Jones and yes I have been sad, I’ve been devastated but I don’t need to be because it doesn’t matter, its all so little and unimportant that I feel selfish for even considering my problems a problem, they’re not. They’re a result of horrible decisions on my behalf and trusting people, putting all my faith in people who didn’t deserve it.

My anger resonates as I hop off the London Eye, my camera roll now full of pictures of London that I can look at when I’m gone. I catch a cab back to my relatively empty apartment.

@CharJones: You’re too mean, I don’t like you, fuck you anyway

But despite the anger that I’m desperately trying to hold on to, the tears fall down my cheeks as usual while I try to fall asleep later that night 

A/N: so that was the other brief installment and the next chapter will be a normal one! I am obsessed with The Neighbourhood at the moment, does anyone else like them? They’re amazing! If you do, what’s your favourite song? At the moment I’ve only been listening to Afraid (as referenced in Lola’s tweet) and Sweater Weather on repeat, what else is good? I put a picture of Charlotte's new hair to the side! 

Next chapter will see the return of one of my favourite characters, can you guess who it is?