Friends.

Chapter 54

For the longest time I stare at the screen, looking into wide blue eyes that are staring intently back at me, sending a chill down my spine. I know it hasn’t been long that we’ve been together but I really felt like I knew what was going on behind those eyes…now they are a mystery…he is a mystery.

He’s nervous. His eyes are trying ridiculously hard not to falter as he looks at me, but I can tell from the way he is fidgeting with the round collar of his shirt that he’s counting down the seconds till this horrible interaction is over. I think we both know what’s going to happen and I know I’m just hoping to survive it.

I speak first. “Tell me it’s not true. Tell me that the photos are from last year, earlier this year even, I don’t care when they’re from as long as they aren’t from the past few weeks.” I say, digging around in my mind for my strength but falling short of enough to continue this conversation without crying.

I don’t want to cry. I don’t want him to see me as weak and vulnerable, because I’m not. I’m Charlotte Jones, I have excelled at everything I’ve ever done, except for boys. I’ve fucked up in that area so much lately that I think it cancels out every moment of excellence in my life so far.

I really thought Louis would turn all that around, I was so certain he was the one who wasn’t going to hurt me.

“I can’t do that.” He says after a while, his Adam’s apple bulging as he gulps.

“I didn’t think so.” I say abruptly, too soon after he spoke.

“I’m sorry.” He says so quietly it’s barely audible and therefore lacks any authenticity and conviction. I shake my head slowly, my eyes locked with his.

“That’s it? You’re sorry?” I question, my voice is shaky and I so desperately want to sound clear and concise but it just isn’t possible, the tears are welling up and every ounce of strength I have is falling short of enough.

“I’m so sorry. It was a one time thing, she was there, I was lonely, I missed you and I just, I…I don’t know, it just happened. I know that doesn’t excuse what I did but –“ He stammers, his voice desperate but it does nothing to ease my anger…my pain…his betrayal.

“How many times?” I ask, my voice firmer than I expected .

“What?” He chokes, startled by my question.

“How many nights? One…two…I mean you were seen together in public in day time, so…I’m just trying to get an idea of what happened, what could have possibly possessed you to do this to me.” My lawyer voice is slowly overtaking, my confidence growing by the second as I attempt to detach myself from the situation. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. This isn’t a break up, this is a case. A case of right versus wrong, betrayal versus commitment, and I’m going to win, like always.

“Three.” He says, unable to look me in the eye.

You’re killing me here Louis, my subconscious wails, she was clearly hoping for some explanation that would make me forgive him.

“Three. This clearly wasn’t a one time thing Louis. You chose not to reply to me, not to call me, nothing. You weren’t drunk, it wasn’t a spur of the moment thing. I don’t understand what the fuck she was even doing in Australia, but you obviously wanted her there.” I say, my voice growing stronger and stronger by the second. Jerk.

“It’s not like that! I got…lost. Please Lola, you have to forgive me. We can do this, my feelings for you haven’t changed. I still want you, I still want to do this. Give me a chance to prove it.”

“Why would I ever do that?!” I laugh. “It may not have changed how you feel about me but it definitely changed how I feel about you.”

“Lola, come on. Don’t be like this.” He whines.