Friends.

Chapter 24

Life after Niall's party was different.

It was lonely, yes. But after yet another blow up with Harry, I finally felt the finality of it all. It's never going to happen between me and him. There's nothing I can do, no matter how much I fight for him, he will choose her every time.

I've accepted it, the Harry thing anyway. The Louis thing not so much. I can't stop thinking about everything I could've done differently. I could've ended it with Niall the second I developed feelings for Louis, but I didnt. I could've told Louis about Harry and Niall, but I didn't. I could've avoided all this pain if I'd never got involved with him in the first place, but I did.

I'm using this all as I reason to resume my life as it was before all this crap. I never needed anyone before. Yes it was nice to have someone to talk to, someone's texts to look forward to during the long day at work, someone to spend time with and do new things...like ride vespas and go to football matches, to have all those firsts again. First kiss, first time he spent the night, there were so many more firsts we were still to have. I haven't been able to help myself from texting him and begging for forgivness. I'm back to square one, again. Missing someone that was never mine to miss. The universe sure has a sense of humour, this can't be my fate. I can't be destined to mess it up with every guy I get involved with. My Mother was too busy teaching me how to be smart and courageous that she didn't teach me how to make good decisions when it comes to men. I want to call her and sob down the phone to her, or better still go home for a week and just cry and cry but I can't. This is my life, I'm 22 now. I'm sick of living with all this pain and regret, I need to go back to when I was happy. Back to that day when I was made associate, and I had a fun night out with my friends. Yes, that is the Lola I like. That is the Lola who enjoys her job, loves her friends and doesn't have to hide these big collosal things from them. That is the Lola I want and need to be again.

Day 1 post Niall's party.

I called him.

He didn't answer.

I texted him.

"please text me Louis, let me explain properly. I'm so sorry. I should've told you the truth, I was wrong to keep that from you. I really like you xxx"

He didn't reply.

No word from Harry either, this is a good thing.

@CharJones: I wanted to be the perosn you were terrified to lose...

Day 2

I called him again.

He didn't answer.

I texted him again.

"I'm so sorry, please don't shut me out."

He didn't reply.

@CharJones: I'd lose everything just to get you back...

Day 3

I called him yet again.

And again, he didn't answer.

I texted him yet again.

"I don't know what else I can say other than I'm sorry. Please don't hate me."

@CharJones: nothing will hurt you more than words.

Day 4

I texted, but I didn't call.

"What more can I do to prove to you that you meant something to be? Please, can't we just forget all this and go back to how it was."

He didn't reply.