~Lams~ Love At First Glance || College AU *COMPLETED* *DO NOT READ*

Chapter 52: Broken; Reboot?

~Alexander's POV~

I woke up next to John. He was still peacefully asleep in the dark room.

Last night wasn't too bad..

John convinced me to stop before we got to anything very sexual.

'He would've found a way to murder me if we were to go that far just yet.'

I grabbed my phone.

4:53AM.

'There's no point in trying to get back to sleep.'

I look over at John. He was on his side, turned away from me. Both of his hands were under his head. (an// hi this is how i sleep)

'I don't appreciate him enough. I'm so lucky I get to wake up next to him every day. He's just so pure and innocent. He trusts me enough to give me his fragile heart, which I can break at any second, if it's on purpose or if I say the wrong thing.'

Suddenly, John started shivering.

'Um, what do I do?'

I scooted closer to him.

I realized he had woken up.

"John?"

He slowly turned over to face towards me.

"John, are you okay?"

"I honestly don't know. I feel, dang I don't know how to explain it. Sick in the head? If that makes any sense."

"Are you light headed? Dizzy?"

"No. It's like.. I don't know how to.. function?"

"Maybe try going back to sleep?"

"What time is it?"

"4:59AM."

"There's no point."

I wrapped my arms around him, giving him a warm embrace.

At first, he seemed calm, but the longer he was in my arms the more, I guess panicked he became. His breathing became heavier, his heartbeat started speeding up, he started hugging me tighter.

~John's POV~

I'm broken, aren't I? I don't know how to feel or act. I feel like an old, broken system. I need to be fixed.'

"John, are you okay?"

"I don't think I am."

I let go of him and put my hands over my face.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Alex, you wouldn't understand. I don't even understand what I'm feeling right now."

"Try to explain. I wanna make sure you're alright."

"Nevermind, I'm fine."

I start to turn over. Alex grabs my arm.

"No, John, you're not. Just try to explain."

"I can't, I just need a moment to process what's even happening in my head."

I turn over and close my eyes, attempting to sleep again.

an// this part is a dream (no capitalization in certain spots for a reason)

All around me dark blue. I can see myself in a mirror and I point out all my flaws. My eyes are cover with a navy blue rectangle. Sometimes it will change to a different phrase that it has displaying where my eyes would be.

'unable to process'

'program malfunction'

'Restarting System' with a loading circle underneath.

A pill bottle is placed in front of me. I tried to grab it, but it disappeared before I could. The rectangle broke when it disappeared.

I stared at myself in the mirror. The background started turning to the navy color coming with text, all saying one phrase.

'its my fault'

I collapsed to my knees in defeat, realizing all my progress away from my depression and suicidal thoughts have gone down the drain all at once.

and i cant do anything about it

The mirror disappeared as I was faced with a large screen with a grey background.

'System restarted canceled due to a corruption found in files.'

I tap okay below the text.

'Try again?'

I tapped yes.

someone make it all better.

The mirror appeared again with the 'Restarting system' displayed.

somebody make me stop

The mirror fell backwards, revealing Alexander.

Slowly, the ground below him started rising.

expectations

Suddenly, I heard a voice.

"You don't deserve him."

The ground disappeared as I fell into a raging black ocean, landing on a lifeboat.

Seemed like everyone I know was on there, besides Alexander.

Everyone was pushing and fighting.

Suddenly, the captain pointed at me.

Eliza.

'Well, who made her captain?'

Quickly, I was pushed over the side by everyone.

Now I was floating in the black sea.

Alone.

Waves came crashing down on me, pushing me under the water.

I tried to swim up, but I was too weak.

By the time I got up to the surface to breathe, another wave came crashing down, pulling me under again.

As soon as I got onto the surface again, I saw Alexander, holding his hand out. I attempted to grab it, but another wave caught me before I could reach.

an// FUCK THAT WAS DEPRESSING

this was half stolen from kitttlesyt on her instagram story on october 27th 2017

HOLY FUCK 5K VIEWS!! THANK YOU SO MUCH

so, basically, I didn't want alex to break up with john for john to be striped of his progress of recovery so i added it this way

now let me go think of a new ending

im proud of this chapter though

thanks for reading!!