from the beginning (COMPLETED)

part 46: promises.

tyler was quiet today.

extremely quiet.

sure, he was incredibly shy and almost silent around others, but in front of his family, he would at least talk some.

he didn't really touch josh, either. and typically, he was always touching him. holding his hand, sitting in his lap, snuggled up with him.

but not today.

after josh put ruby down for her nap, he returned to his husband nervously, sitting next to him on the couch. "are you ok, baby? did i say something?"

tyler quickly shook his head "no. it's just... it's nothing."

"baby please tell me. that's the beauty of being married. we can tell each other everything," josh said sweetly, running his hand up and down his husband's arm.

"y-you're gonna laugh at me," tyler said quietly as he looked down at his feet.

"ty, baby. i promise i won't laugh, ok? have i ever broken a promise?"

"n-no..."

"so what makes you think this one is any different?"

tyler shrugged.

"look, baby. if you're not ready to tell me, that's perfectly fine. i'm not going to force you to tell me. just know that whenever you're ready, i'm ready," josh said softly.

"i-i wanna t-top," tyler said almost silently.

"what, baby? i-i can't hear you."

"i-i want to try t-to top," tyler said again, this time audibly.

"baby, you thought i was gonna laugh at you about wanting to top? that's perfectly fine with me. i've always kind of wanted to be a bottom just once."

tyler smiled slightly and looked up "r-really?"

"really, ty."

"just um... one thing. i-i don't know how to..."

"it's ok, babe. i'll walk you through it," josh said with a smile, kissing tyler's cheek.

//

later that night, they were both naked and tyler was a nervous wreck.

"baby, we don't have to do this," josh said, nothing tyler's anxiety.

"n-no, i-i want to," tyler assured him shakily. he wasn't confident at all and didn't see himself as sexy in the slightest, but his husband always looked sexy when they were in the bedroom. though he forced himself to do it, wanting to make sure that he wasn't getting more pleasure than josh with their usual positions.

"ok, baby. it's just like usual, ok? just do whatever feels right," josh said with a reassuring smile.

"um... o-ok..." tyler said quietly, crawling on top of his husband. he looked around nervously, eventually leaning in and kissing his husband.

but it wasn't a real kiss.

it was a forced kiss.

"baby, i don't wanna do this if it's not gonna mean anything," josh said, looking into tyler's eyes.

"o-oh," tyler whispered quietly to himself, crawling off of josh. he thought it was just his husband making an excuse not to have sex with him, and that only made him more insecure.

he quickly put on his boxers and a pair of joggers, going to the bathroom and locking the door behind him.

josh's eyes widened as he realized what was going on. he put on boxers and sweatpants as well in case ruby saw him, rushing to the bathroom door and knocking on it quietly. "ty, baby, i-i didn't mean it like that. i promise."

tyler just sat on the floor of the bathroom, hating that he couldn't be 'sexy' for his husband.

"i love you, baby. even if you don't love yourself," josh said from the other side of the door, his forehead pressed up against it.

suddenly, little footsteps could be heard from down the hall.

"hi, jishjish!" ruby said peppily.

"oh, um. hey, ruby. what're you doing up? it's pretty late..."

"i got lonely again," she said sadly.

josh picked her up and hugged her close. "you wanna watch tv with me?"

ruby grinned widely and nodded.

josh carried her to the living room and set her down on the couch, turning on the tv before returning to outside the bathroom door. "h-hey, baby. r-ruby and i are watching tv i-if you wanna come join..."

silence.

"i love you, ty."

that was the thing about tyler. when he got insecure, he needed to be alone.

for a while.

josh returned to ruby, sitting on the couch with her in his lap. they watched an hour of 'sat yes to the dress' since ruby loved looking at the dresses, then she fell asleep.

he carried her to her room, tucking her into her bed and kissing her forehead goodnight. then, he returned to tyler.

"t-tyler? i-i left a pillow and some blankets outside the door for you s-so you can be more comfortable," josh said, setting down the comforting objects on the floor outside the bathroom. "i-i love you, ty. a-and i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings."

he then retreated to the couch, unable to sleep in their bed without his other half.

about an hour later, tyler opened the door and took the blankets and pillows, setting them up in the bath tub so he'd be comfortable.

//

the next morning, josh was happy to sit up from the couch to see his husband was making coffee.

except for one thing.

where was his hair?

tyler turned around with two mugs, slightly startled to see his husband was awake.

"o-oh. h-hi," he said quietly, looking down at the floor.

"h-hi..." josh said, walking closer to him.

"i-i don't like it either. i-i'll get it to grow back faster somehow. promise."

"no, baby. it looks great. just, why did you do it?" josh asked quietly.

tyler shrugged. "i dunno. i just didn't like how i looked before so i decided to change it up i guess."

"well i think you're absolutely stunning either way," josh said honestly.

"i-i'm sorry about thinking i could top," tyler said, looking at the floor again.

"ty, don't be sorry. it just isn't for some people. and that's ok! we can try again sometime if you want. and i'm sorry that what i said came out wrong. just you and me both promised we wouldn't have scared or emotionless sex, a-and i didn't want to break that promise..."

"it's ok. i-i get it," tyler said, handing josh his mug of coffee.

"i love you, tyler."

"love you too, josh."

"no matter what."

"no matter what."