The Probability of Love

Chapter 32 | I Need to Talk to You

His eyes followed mine and saw me staring at the picture.

He cleared his throat. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Us," I muttered.

"So, there's an us now?" he stated.

I could hear the anger and pain in his voice. He didn't even want to look me in the eyes. I played with my fingers, not knowing what to say. He was right, there wasn't an "us", but I did want to talk about the situation between him and me.

"The last time I wanted to talk you shut me down."

"Because I wasn't ready!"

"Well what if I'm not ready?" he shouted back.

I didn't respond to him. If he wasn't ready, then why'd he tell me that it was alright to come over? If he couldn't face the fact of seeing me, then why am I standing here right now?

He took a deep breath. "Do you know how hard it was for me to find out that you kissed James?"

"I know, I'm sorry, but I don't feel that way towards him."

"Then why'd you kiss him? You don't just kiss anyone because you don't have feelings for them."

"Just like how you kissed all of those girls before me?" I snapped.

"That was different!"

"Oh, really? Enlighten me, please."

"That was before I fell in love with you."

There it was. The words that I thought were false. He had finally said it to my face, I didn't have to hear it from someone else or from eavesdropping. It was meant for me to hear this time.

"That's right, Jade, I was actually in love with you. Not everything was a game, how many times do I have to say that for you to believe me?"

"Did you regret it?" I asked.

"Regret what?"

"Falling in love with me?" I softly muttered.

He sighed. I quickly wanted to tell him to forget that I asked the question. I didn't want to hear the answer if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. The whole situation was heart wrenching and painful. I was arguing with the boy I loved.

"Not one bit," he answered.

"How do you feel about me now?" I asked softly.

"How do you feel about me?" he asked the same question.

We both sat down on his bed contemplating the question. The room was silent for a long time. Neither of us wanted to say the wrong thing to each other and risk arguing again.

A few minutes passed and he finally started talking.

"Why is it so hard for you to let me back in?" he asked, changing the subject.

I sighed. "There was this boy before you, his name was Logan. I was so in love with him. He was popular and had all these girls surrounding him all the time. I was so afraid that one day he would actually leave me for one of them because they were better than me. Until one day, my worst fear actually came true. He cheated on me."

"I'm sorry. You don't deserve that," he muttered.

"I was so afraid you would do that to me too," I admitted.

"I'm not like that. I know what's it's like to be cheated on."

I nodded my head.

"So, how do you feel about me now?" he asked the question again.

I knew how I felt about him, I just didn't know if I should say it. A tear rolled down my face playing back all the great memories we had together. I miss it, all of it.

Ray looked at me intently. "Hey, don't cry," he said, wiping my tears away.

He brushed the hair that was on my shoulders to my back, exposing my neck. He looked into my eyes lovingly. He hadn't looked at me like that since we broke up.

He leaned in to kiss me. It was a slow passionate kiss, both of us open and vulnerable to each other. I didn't hesitate to kiss him back, the love between us was still there.

I leaned in closer to him, pressing my body against his. I wanted to be closer to him, I wanted to repair that hole in my chest that made me feel empty.

"That's how I feel about you," he whispered softly, catching his breath.

"I miss this. I miss us," I admitted.

"I'm sorry my intentions weren't the greatest when I first met you. I'm sorry for the way you had to find out about it, but I'm not sorry for falling in love with you. My feelings for you have always been real, Jade. I never faked any of it. Every word I've ever told you came from my heart. I meant it all."

"I meant it all too."

"Can we please just stop fighting and go back to being us?" he begged.

I didn't respond yet. I wanted to be with him again, but should we take it slow this time? Will things still be the same between us? Can we pretend that all of this never happened? 

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A/N: Hey, guys! It's been forever since I last updated, I'm sorry. School started and everything has just been so hectic with all my homework and stuff, but thank you guys for still reading my book! I had such a hard time writing this chapter, it's like every two words I wrote I have to stop so I wouldn't cry. haha but here is chapter 32!! I hope you guys liked it :) Thank you guys so much for 42k! Love you <3