H a r r y
She's been the same as when I found her; she still doesn't eat and she refuses to move from our bed, I spend as much time with her as I can because it kills me to know how alone she feels.
All I feel is guilt. I can't even begin to imagine what she went through, and what kind of pain I must have put her through, making her feel worse about herself. It all makes sense to me now though, what went wrong and why she acted the way she did; that's the thing with Emma, everything she does is for a reason and I should've remembered that. Now I have to live with this guilt and regret for the rest of my life.
She talks a bit more than she did at Niall and Hayley's house, I think I'm her safety blanket and no matter how much she loves Hayles, I just seem to understand her thought process a bit more. I can read her like a book, there's not much Emma can hide from me emotionally.
Her body is still frail and weak, she can't walk and has to be carried to most places. I gave her a bath yesterday and was in complete and utter shock at her appearance, she's so thin and bone-like. Her arms are small, her hair is weak, her smile is non-existent, her legs can't withstand her body weight and her spine almost protrudes through her skin. It's painful to see, especially considering I know what she was like before.
I miss her curves and her tiny bumps and lumps here and there. Emma has never been fat, she has always been an average size, ever since I've known her; but now she's hardly recognisable.
I rang Dr Lake this morning and he's supposed to be coming around in ten minutes for an urgent visit. I need to know if Emma's going to be okay, it's so strange to see her so distant and feeling completely helpless.
"Eat this for me baby." I motion to the plate in my hand as I walk into our bedroom, Emma still lying on her side staring into oblivion. I gently lie the plate of crumpets in front of her face, making sure to perch myself on the side of the bed, getting ready to feed her. I'll do whatever it takes.
She sits up reluctantly and looks at me with pleading eyes, I know she stopped eating in order to punish herself, but I'm not going to let her do that; she's weak enough and I'm not going to sit around and watch my wife waste away.
I tear a piece of the crumpet in half and start to bring it closer to her face, her jaw clamping a small bite and chewing reluctantly. It might not be much but it's an improvement.
"There you go." I smile as I watch her swallow the small bite. I feel a sense of pride in this moment, she hasn't eaten properly in weeks, therefore her taking a small bite of food makes a massive difference.
She looks up at me helplessly, her eyes so lost and vulnerable and I feel noting but sympathy towards her. I mean, I know I'm going through this too, but Emma had a maternal connection with the baby and for her to lose it so suddenly, means she must be absolutely devastated.
"I love you." I remind her once again knowing that I've been a terrible husband over these last two weeks. Guilt floods my body and consumes me every time I observe the state that she's in. Maybe she wouldn't have been like this if I was there by her side.
"I love you more." She croaks sadly, thinking over everything. It's obvious that she doesn't believe my words, but she has no reason to doubt them; I've always loved her, and I always will.
"Not possible." I mumble as I place a soft kiss to her head. A knock on the door pulls my towering body away from her, "that'll be the doctor."
My feet carry me out of the bedroom and down the stairs, not before hearing a reluctant groan from Emma. I chuckle as my strong fingers twist the lock, and I'm met with Dr Lake. "Good Morning, come on in." I invite him.
