H a r r y
I've decided that today will be the day I'll leave the house. It's been a week since she left, or rather I told her to leave, and I'm pretty sure the magazines have blown up by now. I see gossip about that night all over twitter, pictures of her wandering the streets aimlessly and of when she first left the house.
Every time I see a picture of her out in the dark and on her own, it breaks my heart, because I know that I put her there; but then I'm reminded of our conversation that night and how she acted and everything she said to me. That's when I feel less guilty and the anger just piles up again, it bubbles to the surface like heated water in a pot.
I've been asked questions every single day about Emma and I. Everything is happening exactly how I thought it would: my fans have started to turn on Emma and are sending her hate complied with death threats, despite not knowing what is really going on, the lads have taken my side completely although I know deep down inside they're all worried about her, and my family are deeply disappointed in her apart from my mum, who seems to have faith in her.
Niall told me that after I'd kicked Emma out that night she'd wandered over to his and Hayley's house. He told me that he refused to let her stay there after what she put me through, but when Hayley threatened to leave if Emma didn't stay, he had to give in; he didn't want to lose Hayley and I don't blame him. They're the perfect couple.
I haven't really done anything since she left. I've been moping around the house, talking to Zazu and Comet as if they are actual people; I'm slowly driving myself insane. Everyone at work has noticed my even worse change in attitude, I don't answer my calls or texts because I just don't want to talk to anyone about it. I want to wallow and cry.
The first step to my clean slate is to get out of the house, and that's why I've decided to take Comet for a walk. For the last few days I've only been opening the back doors so they could run around in the garden and get some fresh air. Apart from that, both animals have been by my side, missing Emma as much as I do.
Don't get me wrong, I'm infuriated at what she's done; I'm angered and embarrassed and she has completely humiliated this family - but I miss her. I miss her more than I can tell you, my heart is permanently heavy and I ache for her warmth. My whole body yearns for her touch, but my mind refuses, constantly torturing me and reminding me of her unfaithful actions.
I clasp the lead onto Comet's collar and he pants happily, his tail wagging incessantly and smacking against the back of my leg; Zazu is sat close by as he waits for me to open the front door, that's something brilliant about Zazu he loves walking with us - whenever me and Emma would go for a stroll or take Comet for a walk, Zazu would always follow a few feet behind or in front of us. It's really sweet, probably something Emma taught him to do.
The two animals remind me of Emma everyday, when we used to sit in the living room and just play with the two balls of fur; both of them lazy but very playful when they want to be. I can just hear Emma's giggle faintly in my mind as I recall the memory, it quickly fading not long after as I am tugged back to reality by Comet.
"Okay buddy, we'll go now." I smile, opening the front door only to be greeted by a million different flashes from the mound of photographers blocking the garden gate. The screaming words becoming clearer as I near them, my black glossy front door locking behind me as I fight through the thick crowd.
'Harry what's the news between you and Emma?'
'Harry why was she wondering the streets on her own at night last week?'
'Harry are you two getting a divorce?'
'Harry, HARRY! Over here!'
I ignore their constant screams and hold tightly onto Comets lead, picking him up so he doesn't get trampled by the paps; fans are smiling at me, their faces showing a hint of pity knowing that something isn't right. But they're still here to support me so and I'm grateful for that, I sign a few things and put on my best fake smiles for the group before walking off hastily with Comet in my arms, Zazu following quickly by my side. "Thank god for that." I mutter more to myself than anyone, I'm just glad that I'm out of the attention and can have some peace, and time to myself.
