"See you later sweetie, I love you." I call out to her, not really hearing her murmur properly, as she slams the door closed and exits the house. She's going out to see George again.
Nothing's changed since a few days ago. It's officially been two weeks since Emma came back from the doctors and if anything, it's getting worse, she's so distant.
She still isn't wearing her wedding ring, I see it everyday in the same place, solemn. It being icy cold to the touch due to Emma's lack of wearing it. The white gold material reminding me of that perfect day, and how incredible we both felt. Our hearts soared simultaneously and it was a day for us to share and embrace our love with family and friends.
However, I can't think like that anymore, every time I smile at the memory I'm always ripped back to reality and have to face the harsh truth; the lies, the adultery, the lack of contact. The memory torments me, a reminder of my once happy life.
She did speak to me last night which I accepted as progress, we had a proper conversation. She told me that she was having cramps again and that it was worse than last time.
I remember that, she was in agony and didn't really want to move, it was horrible seeing her so crippled by pain. I simply advised her to see the doctor again, which she then arranged this morning. She's going the day after tomorrow.
I pack my stuff up and head to the studio, the lads have noticed my change in attitude. They say I seem very glum and lifeless, and I don't argue with their opinions because they're right after all. I haven't really told them much about what's been happening and I feel bad because of that, but I'm sure they don't want to be bored by my marital problems. They have their own things to worry about.
I park outside of the building and work my way through the small mob surrounding me; it's times like this where the fake smiles come in useful. I'm not one for exposing my private life to the media, I keep a lot of things to myself and talk to the lads whenever I feel the need to; I don't like making the fans worry, because they get very possessive and protective and if they knew about how Emma's been acting the would send her hate, and that's the last thing I want.
No matter what happens she is still my wife and I will always love her with every fibre of my being, if I found out she was getting hate from my fans I would be overridden with guilt and would'nt be able to handle that very well. Therefore, due to this, it's best if I keep my private life a secret.
After signing a few things for the fans and taking the odd picture, I make my way into the building seeing the familiar face of the companies employees, each of them giving me a friendly smile and a quick 'hello' before carrying on with their tasks.
I find it strange how everyone that you see has an inner monologue, everyone thinks different things at the same time, without saying a word. There could be a hundred people in a room of complete silence, but every single one of them would be thinking and together it creates a loud chorus of chatter. I find it fascinating.
As I walk in I notice I'm the last to arrive, which is surprising. All of the lads are stood waiting expectantly for me, Paul's large frame stood close by, their small chatter becoming silent as I enter.
I don't really need to ask why they're all staring at me, I know I look like shit, everything's just piling up and I'm struggling to sleep. I can't help but feel like my world is crumbling, like my happiness is dissolving and leaving me lifeless.
My hair is tattered, my eyes have dark circles drooping beneath them, my dimples have been concealed for the last week and my movements are forced and lack energy. To sum it all up, I'm just not myself and everyone around me can tell.
They continue to stare at my appearance for a few more seconds, glancing at me in awe due to my draught transformation, not really knowing what to do at all.
Finally though, Paul clears his throat and breaks the silence, myself thanking him internally for stopping the intense gaze from my four best mates. "Come on then lads, you need to get to wardrobe." He tells us, although I know they all have questions for me.
My predictions are proven correct when Niall starts off the interrogation, "what happened man?" He asks as we all walk, the others' eyes focusing on me and waiting for my answer.
"Bad night." I tell them honestly. I couldn't sleep last night, I haven't been able to for the past couple of weeks.
"More like bad fortnight." Niall mumbles under his breath earning a nudge in the rib from Liam.
"Is it Emma still?" Zayn inquires. They all know what's been going on, I told them a few days after she came back from the doctors two weeks ago, they've been with me everyday since, and have seen how my normally positive demeanour has changed.
I simply nod at his question, my dull green eyes averting to the floor as I wait for more bombarding questions, that's until I realise they're waiting for me to talk. "She's gone to see him again today. And she still isn't wearing her wedding ring." Small tears sting at my eyes as I think over everything.
I've given up trying to make myself feel better now, it isn't worth it because I know exactly what's going on, it's the one thing I've been afraid of. My worst nightmare becoming a reality. "Sorry man." Liam wraps an arm around my shoulder as my tears fall, I feel nothing but hopelessness, like I didn't fight hard enough.
I just want this torture to end, I want the truth, I think I deserve that much. My sobs are ghostly against the side of Liam's chest, my head bowed and my eyes squinted closed as I pour out all of my built up emotion.
I know once I've cried that the frustration side will hit, and I will be filled with a blinding anger, my vision seeing nothing but red due to my shattered heart; but until then, I have the lads to comfort me and look after me, because that's what brothers do.
"I know it's hard Harry but you have to talk to her, confront her, listen to what she has to say." Louis offers, his wise and mature side shining through in this time of seriousness. I know he's right, it's only fair to hear her side of the story, and as much as I don't want to face the truth I know that we'll have to talk sooner or later.
"I know. I just can't believe this is happening to me." I whisper. My heart sinking even further, I feel a pain in my chest signalling the giant hole now residing there.
Now that the other side of my heart has been torn off, I'm left with only half of what I used to be. Without Emma I'm nothing, she made me who I was, who I am, and I don't want to lose the only good thing I have.
Even when she doesn't talk to me I find comfort in her presence, I remember the times where we didn't have to speak to each other because our actions spoke louder than words ever could. When she is with me in silence, I still feel like there's hope for us.
And it's that little bit of hope that makes it so much harder to let go.
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- Pianogirl56
