anti-carat .

thirty eight

Jihoon felt a rush of emotions enter him. He didn't know if he should've felt happy, sad, angry or confused. It all seemed a little too much. He noticed how fast time flew, how much his father had changed. "Jihoon..." The man called out, his eyes filled with sadness. Jihoon, who didn't know what to do, just stood in place. He felt his heart race as his mouth went dry. "I'm sorry." The man spoke, almost whispering.

"Why...why did you leave? You could have stayed! Everything could have gone right! Everything's fucking miserable, dad! Do you know how much mum suffered?!" The hatred in him snapped, Jihoon turned red with anger. Minhyuk and Kihyun decided to back away as they felt that it was the right thing to do. "We've been dragged through dirt, thrown like we didn't mean anything to you, stepped on like fucking rugs!" This time it was sadness. His voice shook, weakening with every word.

The man looked down at his lap, gathering himself to talk, "Jihoon-"

"Did you even care?! You...you broke us, dad! You-"

"Please let me talk..." Jihoon noticed how broken his father sounded and decided to let him speak out. He took a few steps forward, sitting down across from him. "She was in a dark state. I tried to help her as much as possible. I believed she was getting better, we all did. The truth was that she was pretending just to put us in peace. When it got worse, she forced me to leave, saying that she didn't want to hurt me.

I kept telling her that I wouldn't leave, I knew she couldn't do this alone. But she...she just seemed so broken and I felt as if she genuinely wanted me to leave. And so I did...for her. I called her everyday, she stopped attending them after a week of me leaving. I then came to know that she took her own life.

I blamed it on me. If I hadn't left, she'd still be here, we'd be happy, I would have seen you grow, she would have been better. I couldn't get myself to go to see her one last time, I was in denial. I'm sorry I ruined everything..." The man explained avoiding eye contact. Jihoon felt guilt take over to him. He saw tears drip down to his father's hands. It was almost as if Jihoon had a knife stuck through his heart, he didn't know what to do when he lost temper and continued to talk.

He didn't mean to make him cry. "Dad..." Jihoon whispered, holding his fathers hand. "I'm so sorry, I really am. I didn't know what I was saying." He pulled his father into a hug, letting him cry onto his shoulder. "I understand your anger towards me, Jihoon. I would be angry if I were you too."

"I spoke without even knowing the truth. I'm really really sorry."

"It's okay, Jihoon. Let's start over if that's fine by you..." He suggests, pulling back from the hug, wiping his tears. The boy nods, still feeling terribly guilty.

"Thank you...for coming to see me and for clearing everything up." Jihoon spoke, his throat still hurting from holding in tears. "I should've come earlier. It was my responsibility as your father." Mr. Lee spoke, clearing his throat after doing so. Jihoon didn't know how to respond. His father looked so beaten. He wasn't the same man Jihoon remembered him to be. He looked so beaten, weak. "How have  you been?" Jihoon asked.

"I'm pushing through. I just moved into this neighbourhood as I switched jobs. I've been wanting to see you but I guess I was just a little too cowardly-"

"Dad, you came to see me now. It's okay." Jihoon cut him off not wanting to hear him bring himself down. His father nodded before silence arose. "Your friends, i'm glad you have them with you."

"Ah..yes. They've helped me a lot."

"What about any relationships? Are you...with someone? Do you have a girlfriend?"