who is karma

drowning in my own sadness

'The pain, oh god, so much pain' i thought as i felt like i was drowning from my own sadness. My sadness is overwhelming, i guess i shouldn't have hold it in for as long as i did. My sadness that I've had since before my parents death, before my older sister's death. The sad pain of loneliness, I've never really had friends of any age when i was young. They all thought i was strange or that i was kind of a demon or something. I never really understood why parent's would look the other way when i was bullied, or when i got hurt. They always pulled their children away from me, glaring at me. I never really understood since i was too young to understand anything like that. All i knew was that i was hated, but i didn't know why. I mean why hate a five year old? I felt isolated, trapped in my own despair. 'I couldn't get out' i realized. So why bother trying when all i get was hateful looks? Why bother trying when i could get hurt trying? Why should i try and make friends when i could get hurt and Betrayed? No thank you, that would probably hurt me even more. I'm tired of all the pain i feel, why can't i just be happy for once in my life? I can feel the overwhelming pain of suffering dragging me. It felt like i was suffocating, like drowning and never being able to brake free from this everlasting prison of agony. Why can't i just be free? Not being dragged and suffocate would be nice. I'm lost in my own despair.

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I put two of them on this because i felt like it, this chapter might not be that great but oh well i tried.....