Missing ; Phan ~ completed

[Like I Remember]

{Phil's POV}

This is horrible. 

Those 3 months were torture. 

But he is here now.. But he can't remember things.

It hurts. 

When I saw him I just wanted to hug him and kiss him and tell him everything. 

But I can't. 

He is remembering, but he is holding back from telling me, so I don't know what to say to him. 

But here I am, watching the fragile boy in my arms as he is deep in thought. He seems to snap out of it, only to tense up and look down, biting his lip. I assume he remembers something, it can't be good. He moves from my arms, making me look down at him, worried. "What is it baby?" I ask, genuinely worried for him. 

"It's too much." He mutters softly, holding back tears. 

"Talk to me baby. I can't help you unless you talk to me." I say comfortingly, hoping to get something out of him. 

"He.. He raped me, okay?" He chokes out, taking a deep breath. "I just.. I'm remembering things, things I r-really don't want t-to." He stutters, biting back tears. "Phil.. He just.. I've n-never felt more.. v-violated. You know, you w-were my only.." The tears begin to spill from his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time today. He lunges over, wrapping his arms around me. 

"I know baby." I say softly, rubbing his back. "I'm sorry."

"He would beat me, and torture me every day. The physical stuff was hard, but he said stuff Phil. I started believing him too.. I couldn't help it. So many days of that and you have to start to think that maybe they are right. And I love you. I really do. This is just.. So much. He would tell me you never needed me. You were better without me.. You know I have my doubts so this didn't help. He said.. You found someone else while I was there.. Did you?"

"God.. Baby no." I shake my head, not believing he could think that way. "I would never."

"I shouldn't believe him but I can't help it you know?" He shakes his head, wiping his eyes and looking back up at me. "I'm sorry for all of this.. I just don't know who else to tell."

"Its okay, I don't mind..." I trail off, wiping the tears from his cheeks and smiling sadly at him. "I am just so glad you are alive, and here." I kiss his forehead, seeing a trace of a smile cross his lips. 

"I'm glad you are still here." He mutters, cuddling into my side. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" I ask, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer. 

"I was gone for 3 months.. Plus I can hardly remember things. You could've told me anything.. But you told me the truth.. I think." He says, his voice growing quieter as he speaks. 

"I did." I say, chuckling. "I could never leave you. I was a mess without you.. You are my other half Dan."

"Thank you." He mumbles softly, grabbing my hand. "You kept me going."

"How so?" I ask, finally able to breathe now that he is here. 

"I was giving up, but then the thought of you.. Helped me. I guess thats why I remember a whole lot about us." He says, his voice just above a whisper. 

"Thats good.. I wish I really could've helped you." I mumble, looking down at our interlocked fingers. I feel so guilty.. I should've done something. I mean I really did try. 

"You did.. Maybe you didn't actually come in there and save me but you helped me to stay strong. So thank you. So much." He leans his head on my shoulder, sighing. 

"I missed you so much Dan." I say, so absolutely grateful that he is okay. Maybe not really okay but.. He is alive. 

"I missed you too Phil." He mumbles, looking like he is going to continue. We sit there for a while, and he is in one of those deep thought things again. Soon enough he snaps back to reality and looks up at me. "You know.. It's like I just opened a door that made so many things flood in."

"Like what?" I ask, watching his eyes light up in amusement. 

"Phil is not on fire." He says, a smile growing on his face. "Our channels, Meeting fans, so many cringey videos, Dil." 

"So our internet careers?" I ask, laughing at the look on his face. 

"That's not all.. We spent a whole lot of time on Skype. Shit you are a good kisser from what I remember." He smirks at me, causing a blush to creep on my cheeks. 

"Want to test that?" I ask, hoping I didn't just mess this up. I clearly didn't because he leans over,  sitting on my lap and facing me. 

"Let's see if its like I remember.." He leans in until our lips are touching and I basically melt into him. I missed these lips. The kiss gets a bit heated, and I flip us over so I'm leaning over him. My lips are on his neck and his hands in my hair. I go to a spot that I know gets him and smirk as I hear his breathing hitch. I'd be okay if things were like this all day. 

We were so caught up in the moment, we must not have heard the door open, or the nurse walk in.