Missing ; Phan ~ completed

[Safe]

The thing that hurts most is the only thoughts and memories I have of myself are being tortured.

Phil holds me tightly as my sobs turn to shaky breaths and I finally calm down. "I'm sorry." I mutter an apology, embarrassed with myself.

"It's okay Bear." He kisses the top of my head, wiping my eyes.

"Can I ask you some things?" I ask timidly.

"Of course." He looks me in the eyes and that somehow makes me feel a little better.

"How long have we been dating?" I look down at our hands, wishing I could remember more.

"Officially? Over 2 years now, but technically more then that we just didn't call it dating."

"How long have we been best friends?"

"Uh.. 9-ish years."

"What do we do for a living?"

"Uh.. Youtube videos?" The statement comes out as a question, almost as if he isn't sure.

"Okay.." I search for another question that might lead to more memories. "Who could've done this to me?" my voice breaks in the middle, making me sound weak.

"I don't know baby." He rubs my back comfortingly. Although I only have a few memories the butterflies swirl in my stomach at the name. I feel like I know him well, like I can trust him.

"Tell me something about us.. Something you'd want me to remember." I say, hoping to get something.

"Well.. What about?"

"How we met."

"Oh." He laughs, shaking his head. "That is.. a good one." I look at him questioningly so he just starts talking. "Well you sort of stalked me until we started talking, online.. Then I gave you my Skype and we started becoming friends and ended up moving in together."

Yet another memory slips into my mind.

I run up and hug Phil tightly, whispering in his ear, "I missed you."

"Missed you too." He smiles, pulling away and placing a kiss to my cheek.

I wasn't sure what that meant, mainly because I thought it was all in my head.

It was just a crush..I thought.

Then in that house from before, which I am assuming is ours.

We are sitting in our bed, about to go to sleep. Silence fills the room and I'm assuming he's already alseep when he suddenly asks, "What are we Dan?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, looking up at him.

"Well, we kiss, we act like we are dating.. Are we?"

"Well you haven't asked me so-" I say, smirking.

"Dan, Will you be my boyfriend?" he asks quickly, blushing.

"Of course." I smile, kissing his cheek.

"Good. So I can do things like this." He leans over and places a quick kiss to my lips making me smile. "And this." He moves lower and makes a hickey on my neck, making me push him over.

"Hey." I slap his shoulder, giggling.

"Rude." He huffs, pouting like a whiny two year old.

"Oh come on.. I still love you." I nudge him.

"I would hope so." He rolls his eyes, his arms wrapping around me.

I snap back to reality looking up at Phil. "Can I kiss you?" I ask, blushing.

"Of course." He mumbles and I lean in, my lips pressing against his softly. It's like a flood of memories flow into my mind, not many, but just enough to realize how much I love him. I may still be missing bits and pieces but I've got enough for now. He places a hand on my cheek, deepening the kiss and making my heart skip a beat.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel safe.