HLHA

Chapter 22

“Then STOP”

Stop? How do you stop loving a person? How do you forget all the feelings you have for him? How can you disregard every emotion you feel when you see him? How do you forget him?

“How do I stop?” I whispered under my breath as a tear escaped my eyes.

I never knew such dramas could happen in real life. I’ve always thought people tend to overreact to these kinds of circumstances but I was wrong, everything is so real. Painful is an understatement to what I feel now. It’s excruciating, unbearable and it’s happening mostly because I don’t know how to blurt it out. I let the emotions accumulate inside me. I try to act like I don’t care when deep inside, I care a lot, a lot that it hurts me.

What is even more painful than always being disregarded by the people you love is when the people you knew who loved you start walking away from you.

I was used to being no one that the most important person in my life didn’t care about me. I got used to the feeling of being disregarded but Bekhyun showed me that I’m not worthless. Yet now he’s walking away, like everybody else.

I kept looking at him, even after the elevator closed. He was so dull, like he cared about nothing.

I guess people just can’t really tolerate me..

“I’m so sorry Angel, I shouldn’t have challenged him. None of this would have happened.” Justine said while holding me by the shoulders. I don’t blame him for anything.

“It already happened before this. I should have expected it. I should have not assumed too much. This is all my fault, stop blaming yourself” I turned to him and saw how sorry he looks. How could I blame the guy, after all he is the reason for everything, it’s like he knocked the sense back into me.

“You don’t have to pretend to be tough in front of me. People who care about you will always see you through Angel. I know you’re hurting. I won’t judge”

“Don’t hold back”

Every time I force myself to be strong, his words just come flashing back to me. I took a deep breath as tears started streaming down my face.

Maybe I should just go back to who I am before. Maybe my father was right, I should have just been contented with my life. Maybe I should just go back because being too desperate has gotten me nothing good.

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“WHAT! Are you crazy? You’re not thinking clearly right now. Why don’t you just go to bed and rest and maybe that will help you. Think this over tomorrow. Too much emotion can make you do things you’ll regret later Angel” May kept nagging.

We were in our room and I just sort of bluffed that I’m thinking of quitting the training and just go back to the Philippines and here she is acting like I’ve already made the biggest mistake of my life.

“How about your mother? How will you find her? Isn’t that the reason why you wanted to train? If you become famous that it would be easier for you to find her?” she blurted out in one breath.

“Hey, hey.. Calm down. What are you a pre-recorded CD? I’m just thinking of it but I haven’t decided yet. I’m waiting for a sign” I said.

“What sign?”

“I don’t know.. Signs why I should leave like my microphone breaks down while I’m singing, or the music would suddenly stop in the middle of a song. Stuff like that.”