HLHA

All in one

Chapter 11

“She wrote me a letter” I whispered.

Ever since I got to this place, everyday has been all about wondering, thinking, asking and the most difficult of all—waiting.

It’s never easy to wait for someone when you have no idea whether she will come or not. You start wishing, and praying that by some miracle she’ll hear you.  Every day you stand at the front porch and look at the distance.

For days I would do that and at the end of it all I would always shed a tear. It’s painful to hope and wish.

I could have walked out of here and forget everything but a big part of me just won’t move. There’s just something that’s whispering me to stay and hold on a bit longer.

My mom left me for a reason and that reason I want to know so bad. I want to demand her of an explanation and if it’s worth it, I want to bring her back. That’s the reason I came here in the first place, for her. I want to face her but she left and now here I am holding a letter with her name.

I don’t know if I have the courage to know why she left when she knew I was coming. I don’t know how to feel. Should I be excited or should I be nervous? Should I read the letter and know what she has to say?

I am confused and scared at the same time.

I folded the envelope and went to my room. I lay there in my bed thinking about why she would write a letter. Why can’t she just come and tell me what she wants to say

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I will read the letter when I feel it’s the time, I’m not ready.

“Angel?” Nana said as she knocked on my door. I tried to hide the sadness on my voice and the pain in my eyes. I didn't want her to worry.

I gathered myself and opened it.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay? You seem upset” she asked carresing my face with her thumb. I felt a sudden urge to cry but I held myself in.

“I’m okay nana. I’m just tired”

She smiled even though I know for sure she didn't believe me. “Okay. Rest and I’ll call you when the food is ready”

“Thanks nana”

Her eyes shifted from mine to the bed where the letter laid. "Is it from her?” she asked

I took a deep breath and nodded.

She read me immediately. She knew I didn't want to talk about it. She can clearly see how scared I am.

She smiled at me and nodded “Don’t force yourself. Do it when you are ready.”

I nodded and lay on my bed again. I'm glad she's understanding. “I’ll call you when the food is ready”

 The thoughts in my head were overlapping each other. The dozens of "what if's" and "maybes" started becoming overwhelming and I tried my best to divert my mind into the positive things. Like Byun Baekhyun.

It has all been a mess since I got here and he has been the only good thing yet. I may never be able to see him again but that moment is enough for me.

He sang for me, he made me laugh and he said my name. That's more than enough.

--

“Have you called you father?” She asked while we were eating.

“I don’t have any reason to” I answered. And that was true. The least I'd want to do now is to tell him that everything is not going according to my plan.