Never Giving Up...

Chapter 26: They Say, Find Your Way

Fair warning I don't really have much info on the situation of what happened, but I did do as much research as I can, I didn't get much, though. So, if I am wrong on things then I am sorry but please remember this is fiction I try my hardest to make it as realistic as I can. But sometimes I can't find much when I research things so bare with me. Enjoy. 

~~ Abigail's POV ~~

I walked into the hospital room to see Austin reading one of his new Deadpool comics, I chuckled as I sat down on the chair next to his bed, "Who gave you this one?" 

"I actually bought this one," He says as he puts the comic down. I nod, "So, what's the plan for today?" he asks as he grins at me. 

"Well, Alan has plans to watch movies today, mostly movies with Zooey Deschanel in them, oh, and pizza." 

"Oh, pizza! I'm allergic to pepperonis." 

"I know but you still eat them," I said with a chuckle. 

"They're good," he laughs, "Anyway, I say you demand to pick the movie." 

"You see, I would, but I would like to see how my life turns out before Alan kills me." 

He shakes his head, "Oh, Alan, that little ginger. When is he picking you up?" 

"In an hour," I say, "then Pamela is picking me up and dropping me off here while she has that meeting." 

Austin nods, "Don't forget to fill those papers out," He points to the pile of papers the school he has me applying for, "They've been sitting there for a week collecting dust." 

"Dust? We can't have that!" I say as I pick up the piles of papers and quickly set them back down, "eh, I'll do it later." 

He laughs, "Procrastinator!" 

"Not gonna deny it," I shrug my shoulders, we then talked about the latest comic Austin was reading, he even read it out loud for me. Then in comes in a little ginger, a grin on his face beaming so bright, "Aye, ginger!" 

He quickly glares at me before smiling over to Austin, "How's Austin?" 

"Austin is good," Austin says in the third person. 

"And Abigail is starving," I say as I sunk into my seat. 

Alan groans, "Fine, let's go, geez, can't even say hi to my best friend." 

"I'm not stopping you, I'm just letting you know that you have a hungry little girl to feed." 

"Is this how being a parent feels?" Alan asks Austin, Austin just nods, "I rely on you to feed me-" 

"So, we all know you're gonna let me starve." 

Alan chuckles and ruffles up my hair, he talks to Austin for a few minutes. 

"Alright, I'm gonna take your child and feed her," Alan says as he grabs my arm. 

"See you later, Austin," I say as I wave at Austin who just chuckles and waves back.

I ordered pizza on the way to the house so it'd get there just a few minutes after we did. Alan actually let me choose a movie, I choose Alice in Wonderland because why not? And Johnny Depp. 

Halfway through the movie my phone dinged with a notification, "Ooh, I got a notification!" I looked at my phone, "Oh gee, it's just from twitter, in other news Kylie Jenner has a new lip kit coming out." 

"Kylie?" I nod as I began to look through my newsfeed. I saw a tweet that made me instantly angry. "Yo, kid, you look a bit angry," he noticed. 

I showed him the tweet, "I have many names for that girl and they are not good," I said trying to calm myself down.

"Damn," he said as he began swiping through my twitter, "people are commenting fast." 

"depression IS a CHOICE"

"anxiety attacks R a CHOICE"

It wasn't exactly everything she tweeted but it was mentioned, the rest was just words she used to defend herself. It made my blood boil. 

"She's something else," Alan says as he hands me my phone. 

"She's close-minded, I knew there was a reason she seemed a bit off," I said as I kept staring at the tweets. She kept trying to defend herself saying that people were taking her the wrong way. It still hurt. A lot. Because even though, I smiled and acted like I was happy I still felt depressed and believe me, it isn't a choice. 

It's a daily battle and sometimes it is okay to not be okay, it's okay to just lay in bed and rest because everyday is a battle. 

"Don't listen to her, Abby," Alan says as he grabs my phone and locks the screen, "She doesn't know what it's like." 

"I know," I said as I pulled my knees up to my chest. I just wish she did, maybe she'd word it differently, maybe she wouldn't be so blunt. 

"I'd like to hear her excuse for this, this time," Alan whispers. 

"This time?" 

He nods, "she's done this before, say something so... something she would say and then post some type of blog or video trying to defend herself. It's typical of her," Alan sighs. "She likes to state her opinions and then gets mad if someone doesn't agree, she likes people to agree with her even if she is wrong." 

I sighed, "What does Austin see in her?" 

"I don't know, we don't really talk about her that much, I don't really like too." 

He then looks at his watch, "Shit, I gotta go," He says as he stands up, "Don't think too hard, kid, I know what she said is going to bother you," he sighs. "I'm here for you okay?" I nod, "I'll see you later," he then walks out the door. 

I ate another slice of pizza, part of me eating my emotions away and another just wanted some sort of distraction. 

I kept staring at the black screen on my phone if depression were a choice... If it were a choice would there be such thing as having a mental illness? Would people just be saying, "I felt depressed today," instead of constantly reminding people that they, "battle with depression." 

If anxiety attacks were a choice then there would for sure be a lower rate of them. People would only have them if they wanted too. But that's not the case. People can't control them. The feeling of drowning when you are standing on the dry ground with oxygen all around you. Feeling like death is the only outcome of the situation and people around you, people so happy so oblivious, they don't know.

 They don't know of the outcomes of the situation and you feel like you are the only one that knows so why isn't everyone running? Why aren't you running? Mostly because anxiety paralyzes you. 

Anxiety isn't a choice. It's an illness that you can not see from the outside, it's a crippling illness that you can wish away but it doesn't. it clings to you. Sometimes you feel like you are getting better you even think, "hey, maybe I'm cured?" but then it comes back and you're just like, "why?" That's it. You always ask 'Why?'

Why do I have to have this horrible thing they call anxiety? Depression? The cousins that are bound together. The cousins that consider each other brothers but are only relatives because their mothers are sisters. The cousins that only cause trouble together. Separate they're only thunderstorms but together they make tornadoes. It's not a choice. You learn to live with it. It's harder for some people and for some it's not. 

Last part is really how I feel about Anxiety, through my own experience. It's awful. I have been going through a lot mentally and most of it I pour into my stories or use my stories as a distraction from doing harmful stuff to myself. 

If you have anxiety or depression or any type of mental illness and you feel alone or lost, you feel like you want to give up. Please. Know that you are not alone, that you will overcome this obstacle in life, that you will wake up and tomorrow might be a better day. Maybe next will be one. Just know that there is a rainbow at the end of every storm, okay? I love you guys.

"You have many options in life, never make giving up one of them." - Austin Carlile