Never Giving Up...

Chapter 27: But I Can't See Anything

Title Credit: Transfigured by Of Mice & Men

~~ Abigail's POV ~~ 

Pamela dropped me off about 6 hours ago, the car ride was pretty quiet. I could really sense the tension. But I kept my mouth shut the whole ride here. When I arrived Austin was already asleep so I watched some T.V. and took a small nap. I woke up and decided to get started on the paperwork.

I looked at the stack of papers in front of me, the thought of going to a new school is scary to me. Yet, I think it's scary to mostly everyone who has to go to a new school, right? Right. It's been a week since Austin showed me this huge pile of papers, I grabbed the pen and scanned through the pages, signing my name wherever it was called for. 

Once I finished, I placed the papers on the empty chair next to me and let out a big sigh. 

"What are you doing awake?" A groggy Austin asks. 

I looked at the time, it was only 2 in the morning, yet for others, it was already late. "I was signing the papers for the school," I said low enough for him to hear. 

"You should be asleep and you should be at home with Pamela," while I was gone to New York, Pamela has been staying at our house, mostly because it's closer to the hospital and Austin says he wants her there so there would be someone home, so, I could sleep in my own bed instead of a guest room at one of the guys' house. 

"Pamela had that late meeting, remember?" he nods, "and I told her I could stay here." Only because she was getting out late and I didn't want to be near her in fear that I might say something I might not mean. 

"Sweetheart, you shouldn't be here, I want you to sleep in your own bed not some uncomfortable chair." 

"You don't know, maybe I like these chairs." He chuckles 

"Alright, I won't argue with you about it anymore, but tomorrow please, promise me you'll go home and sleep in your own bed?" I nod, "You should get some rest, you have the meeting with the school tomorrow." 

"Who's taking me?" 

"Pamela," He says as he closes his eyes, "Goodnight, hon." I listened to him breathe deeply, he was fast asleep once again. I sighed and made myself comfortable on the lumpy chair, knowing I'd pay for it all tomorrow morning. Well, in a few hours. 

I curled myself into a fetal position as I wrapped myself in my jacket, I felt my eyelids feel instantly heavy, I closed them letting the long needed sleep overcome me. 

I woke up the sound of people whispering, I hadn't opened my eyes yet. I was hoping I'd fall back to sleep but as soon I felt the heat of the sun, I knew I wasn't going to go back to sleep. 

"Close the curtains," I heard Austin whisper. 

"But it's already ten in the morning, it's time for her to wake up," Pamela said no longer whispering. I heard Austin sigh. 

I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings, "You guys sure do know how to speak with a sleeping person around." 

"Sorry," Austin said quietly. 

"Do you want me to get you some breakfast from the cafeteria before we leave?" Pamela asked. I just nod, I was pretty hungry this morning. She nods and walks out of the room. 

"She's mad at me, again," Austin said a few seconds after Pamela left the room.

"Again? For what?" I asked as I stretched and got up from the chair. 

"Stupid stuff," he says as he stares at the food in front of him. "She's not taking you to the school meeting, Alan will. Pamela will drop you off at home so you can change and Alan will be picking you up." 

"What kind of stupid stuff?" 

He sighs, "About how I plan on raising you, she thinks it's not a good idea for you to be surrounded by apparently what she thinks is, chaos." 

"Well, you're the parent. Not her." He just keeps staring at the plate, "And I don't think it's chaos considering what I've been through." 

He just gives me a small smile, "you're right. I am the parent and if I want to let you eat ice cream for dinner then I can. It's my name on those papers." 

I nod, "Yes, it is." 

He smiles, "You're a great kid and you're my kid," he chuckled. 

Pamela walks in with a plate of food, she hands it to me, "I hope pancakes and eggs are okay?" She then hands me a small carton of orange juice. 

"Sounds great," I said as I sit down on the chair and unwrap my plastic fork from the saran wrap. 

"After you eat, I'll drop you off at the house," Pamela says, "Just text me when you're done," she then walks out of the room. 

"She must be really mad," I say as I spread syrup onto my pancakes, I watch as the syrup drips from the pancakes onto the eggs. 

"Yeah, I'll talk to her later," He says as he takes a bite of his food, finally. 

"Is she always like this?" 

"Well, she likes to... she likes to be right," he says. 

"Is it true?" He looked at me confused, "the whole thing she said online about depression and anxiety? I only heard tidbits of what was said from Alan but I want to hear from you."

"She said some things that weren't right--" 

"Weren't right? Saying that depression is a choice and having anxiety attacks were one, as well? It's ridiculous. It's rude. It's mean. It's inhumane to think that way." He just stares at me, "Just because we don't wear our pain on the outside doesn't mean that we don't matter. We do. And if I had the choice to not feel the way I am I would flip that switch in a freaking heartbeat because I am tired, absolutely tired, of feeling this way 24/7." I let out a few deep breaths to calm myself down. 

"Come here," he says as he motions me over to him. I set the tray on the empty seat next to him and lay down next to him on the bed, he wraps his brotherly loving arms around me, "It's not a choice, I get that." 

"I try so hard, Austin. I keep a smile on my face and I laugh and I be happy but deep down I'm breaking and to hear people say things like she did, makes me feel even worse." He slowly combs my hair with his hands. "I get it, you love her but I'm sorry if I don't like her or think she's the best choice for you. But, for you, for everything you have done for me, I will tolerate her." 

"Don't worry, I'll handle it," he says. I get up from the bed. 

"Was she angry at you because of the tweets yesterday?" 

He nods, "I told her she shouldn't be saying those type of things like that. She didn't agree." 

I took in a deep breath, just talking about it made me tense up. "I should go, she's probably tired of waiting." 

"You didn't even finish eating," Austin protested. 

I sighed as I grabbed the pile of papers, "not hungry," I said with a small shrug. 

I heard Austin sigh as I left the room. I hated the fact that I had to be in a car alone with her, every inch of my mind wanted to just debate with her that depression and anxiety are not a choice. But I sealed my mouth shut because I said I would tolerate her.