Nothing Can Compare In This World To You

Chapter 25

Amanda's POV

Brian woke me up at a time that seemed too early. "Come on Amanda, we're going to Matt and Val's", he said and sat down on the bed.

"What's the clock?" I muttered and buried my face in the pillows.

"Two pm", he said.

"Seriously?" I asked and looked up on him.

"Yes, come on now", he said and walked away. "Nice bed hair by the way."

He went downstairs and I went to the bathroom to take a shower. I took a quick shower and then got ready before I walked downstairs. It took me longer than it usual did. The pain in my chest was back, not as strong as the night before but it was there and it made it difficult for me to breath. 

Brian sat in the couch and waited for me.   "Hello beautiful", he said and walked over to me. 

"Hi baby", I said and hugged him. 

"How are you today?" he asked and kissed the top of my head. 

"Good", I lied. 

"You're a terrible liar", he chuckled. 

"I'm not", I protested.

"You are", he said.

"Fuck you", I said and punched him playfully on the arm. 

"Later, we really have to go now", he said and grinned. 

"You're so annoying", I said and started to walk towards the door. 

"Love you too", he said behind me. 

Brian drove the short way to Matt and Val's house. I seriously didn't understand why the guys always took the car to each others house, they only lived like ten minutes away from each other. 

My phone rang just when we stepped out of the car. "It's Cameron. You can go inside, I'll be there in a minute", I said to Brian before I answered my phone. 

"Hi Cam", I said.

"Why haven't you told me Amanda?" he said and i could hear how angry he was. 

I froze. I didn't tell him? How could I forget to tell my best friend in the entire world? "How did you know?" was all I managed to say.

"Kerrang! wrote about it", he said.

"Why was I in Kerrang!?" 

"They decided to write about Synyster Gates' new dying love", he said.

"How did they know? I've only told the guys and my mom because they were with my when I found out."

"I don't know but I can't believe you didn't tell me! Were you ever going to?"

"I… I don't know. I've totally forgot about it. I'm sorry." 

"No I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm just shocked I guess. I mean… after your dad and everything."

"Yeah I know… Are you in England?" 

"Yes, I'm coming to America next week."

"Good, I miss you really much", I said. 

"I miss you too Amanda. But I'll see you in a week okay?"

"Yeah. Bye", I said and we both hung up. 

I walked inside the house without knocking on the door. Everyone was in the backyard besides Matt. He stood in the hall and waited for me. He grabbed my arm and walked over to the kitchen and I didn't have any choice but to follow him. 

"Brian told me about what happened" he said.

"I figured out he would", I said. 

"How are you now?"

"Good", I mumbled, getting tired of that question. 

"Amanda, when I ask you I really want to know, not just an answer", he said. 

I looked up on him and his hazel eyes burned into mine. "I'm tired as fuck but I'm good", I said.

I could see that he didn't believe that answer either. "Why do you care?" I snapped.

The question seemed to surprise him a bit. "Because I see how much you hurt. Damn Amanda why do have to hide everything all the time?" he said. 

"Because I don't want you to be all sad and worried! I want you all to be happy the little time I get to see you! I want to just live like usual and not care about this. So I hide it, for you guys, so you can think that I'm alright and stop worrying! I'm scared as shit for this Matt. I hate this! All I want to do is to scream out in pain and break down, but I can't because that will break you too!" I yelled with the tears falling from my eyes. 

All my emotions I had hold inside of me came out. All the fear I had tried to ignore hit me like a bus. 

"Come here", he said and pulled me in for a hug. 

"It's not fair Matt", I cried. "Why me?" 

Matt's POV

Seeing Amanda like this was totally heartbreaking. The things she told me was shocking actually. We all had thought that she took this whole thing so good and didn't even worry about it. No I didn't understand how we could be so blind. 

"I know it's not fair", I said and held her tight to my body. 

"I hate that there is nothing I can do", she cried. "I'm not finished with life."

There wasn't anything I could respond to that. No words could make this better and we both knew it. 

"We should go outside. They're probably wondering where we are", Amanda said after a while and wiped away the tears from her face. 

"Okay", I said.

Jimmy, Zacky, Gena, Val, Brian, mom, dad , Suzy and Papa Gates was outside. They could all see on Amanda that she had been crying but none of them said anything. "Thank you Matt", she said and hugged me one last time before she walked over to Syn and Rev.