cancer, egd

32.stay strong

ETHAN

I was scared. Anybody in my situation would be. 'You need to stay calm.' They told me before rushing her off. I was left to sob into my hands. Alone. I had no one to tell me that she was going to be okay.

"Ethan." I hear my name, but not in the precious voice of my Vic. I look up and through my puffy eyes I see a nurse with a clipboard in her hand. I walk up to her and without a word she leads me back through a maze of hallways before we stop at a door. She opens the door and glances to me before entering.

The room is quiet, the only noice being the steady beep of a heart monitor. My heart shatters to pieces when I see the almost unrecognizable figure in the hospital bed. I stop at the foot of the bed, looking at her mask covered face with tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm going to call the mother and the father of Victoria. I will explain everything in details once they arrive." With that she leaves without another word and I'm left alone to talk with my Vic. I pull up a chair beside her bed and take her hand in mine.

I prop my elbows up on the bed and close my eyes, placing my lips to the back of her soft hand. My shoulders start to shake as sobs start to pour from my chest. Tonight was supposed to be one of the greatest nights of my life.

But now I am found, crying over Vic who had passed out with blood spilling from her nose and mouth as I stood by unable to do anything but call 911.

"I'm so sorry Vic." I mumble against her hand. I squeeze my eyes tighter and clench my jaw harder. "I'm so sorry that I can't make this better." I don't think about my words, I just let the flow. "When I first signed up to come in to talk to a cancer patient, I wasn't expecting to find a persona bright and as brilliant as you are. I was expecting to find someone beyond repair. I remember you asked me 'Why do you do this, why do you come here'. At the time, it was just to help, to listen to the people that had no voice. But now I realize that I was lonely, I didn't really have anybody besides my brother and mother, and even they were gone sometimes." I take a deep breathe. Letting our intertwined hands fall to the bed. "I knew when I saw you that you weren't meant for this life. You were meant for something beautiful and ever lasting." I smile at her, knowing if she could see me her lips would be pulled into a gorgeous grin.

"Ethan." I hear my name again, this time from a familiar voice. I look to see Vic's father, Richard. I stand and rush to him, he pulls me into a tight embrace as I feel his chest heaving with sobs.

"Is she okay?" He asks, his voice shaky. I don't know how to answer his question so I let silence be my response. I feel my body start to tremble as my eyes dart around the room.

"The nurse will be here when her mom gets here." I mumble into his shoulder, glad to have someone here with me that cares for her like I do. He loosens his grip on me before I'm ready to let go. But I slowly slip from his arms and look into his red, tear filled eyes.

"You listen to me now. You need to stay strong for her, for Vic." His eyes flick back and forth between mine. I drop my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. I don't want to have to be strong, I want to go back to yesterday. I want to hug her a bit longer, tell her I love her out of the blue, just to see her smile.

"Okay." I croak, unable to look him in the eyes. He drops his hands from my shoulders and walks down very to his daughter. He hunches over her as his stifled sobs start to fill the emptiness of the cold room.

I turn to look at her. She's pale, the radiant warmth that she normally gives off has faded. She doesn't look like she did only hours ago. Her lips, chapped and stained the faint remnant of blood. Not pink, not soft.