I stare up at the tv. My eyes open, my ears listening, but not truly paying attention. My life feeling bitter sweet. With my relationship with Ethan growing, I should be unbelievably happy. But with my mom's my boyfriend.. I feel a bit overcome with emptiness.
My door clicks open and I jump out of my haze. Dr. Dornan approaches me, clipboard in hand. I'm not sure he goes anywhere without the thing.
"Hello Miss Victoria." He smiles. "Today is the day." He says, his smile more sympathetic than enthusiastic.
"What's today?" I ask slightly confused. I was never informed about a change.
"You're going to start chemo today." He nods. "We went through all the particulars with your mother and set up a schedule for you." He shows the clipboard that has paper attached to it. On that paper has a calendar set up for a month. On each Monday and Thursday block, there is a black X.
"What do these Xs mean?" I ask, pointing a finger to one of them.
"Those are your dose days. We will take in for Chemotherapy on each of the X days. Then next month you'll have a new schedule, he nods and keeps his gaze lowered away from my eyes, like he's guilty about something, or embarrassed.
"Dr. Dornan?" I force him to look into my eyes.
"Yes?" He asks, twiddling his pen in his hand.
"Am I going to die soon?" I ask. His hand stops moving and the room develops and eerie silence.
"Victoria, you are a strong girl. That's all you have to know for right now." He pats my shoulder and stands. "Now are you ready for your first treatment?" He asks.
"No, but I'm already dying." I stand and wait for further instruction.
"You can take the tubes off for now." He says. I slip them off, my face feeling naked without them. I follow the doctor down multiple hallways until we reach a door with the word CHEMOTHERAPY written a gold plak. Dr. Dornan scans his card and we enter into a large room, much like the rooms meant for multiple patients, but in this one, there are curtained stations lining the room, 6 of the, in total. The doctor leads me over to the nearest one and sits me down in the bed in front of an old tv, tape records of finest movies lined up beside it.
"The nurse will right be with you in a minute." He says before walking away, leaving me alone in the cold room. I tuck my legs under the comforter they have layed out, the set up much different from a standard one person room.
The door i entered through opens, I give up and shut down as she hooks me up to all different kinds of machines. I nod to her questions and smile when needed. When she asks me if I'd like a movie on I nod and tell her to "put on your favorite." So she puts on 'Lady and the Tramp' and leaves.
Empty, I watch the two dogs fall in love. Laugh slightly at the classic meatball scene, and before I know it, the movie is over, and I'm back in my room. The chemo therapy finished. My worries of chemo fading.
I come back to reality when the lunch lady comes around. I have a short convo with her and slowly finish the salad and water she provided me with. I look up at the tv and actually watch, allowing myself to have a distraction from the world that is progressing without me.
My door opens to reveal my favorite face. And after the chemo and nausea, I could use an Ethan hug. So when he turns to face me I extend my arms to him and he walks into them happily. I take in the soft smell of cologne that is embedded into his soft clothing.
"I missed you." I mumble.
"It hasn't even been 24 hours." He laughs, pulling his body away to brush the hair from my face.
"I don't care." I shake my head. I sigh, deciphering weather or not I should tell him that I've started chemo.
But apparently, since he is a mind reader, he pulls me into a tighter hug. "The doctor told me that you started Chemotherapy today." He heaves in a low voice. "I'm here to talk to, always remember that." He runs his hand up and down my back, the familiar warm sensation returns to my body, making me feel a bit more alive.
"I'm okay, everything going to be okay. It isn't that bad actually." I try to assure him, making my voice sound like the happy person I should be.
"That's good." He answers before I pull away. He flops down into his normal chair and pulls it up close to the bed, as always.
"How was your morning?" I ask, trying to get rid of the sadness lingering in our conversation.
"It was alright, the typical morning you know..." I can already feel the joke coming on. "Fall out of bed, spill the milk while trying to make myself cereal, stub my toe on the wall while walking into the living room." He shrugs and smiles as I laugh.
"You're such a mess." I tease, shaking my head.
"Yep." He laughs along with, his smile making me feel like a normal girl in love.
"How's Grayson?" I ask, wanting to keep him from asking any questions about my morning.
"He's great actually, he's out for the day with a friend. I'll be sure to tell him you asked." He smiles and leans back a bit in his seat.
"So what's your favorite kind of flower?" He asks, tilting his head to the side slightly. "If we are going to be together, I gotta know your favs." He smiles, gesturing widely with his hands.
"Well, my favorite flower would be either a Peony or Rose I have to say." I nod, quirking my mouth to the side. I've never received flowers from anyone but my dad before.
"What color is your favorite for them to come in?" He asks, I blush. If he gets me flowers I will probably cry. I mentally laugh at how pathetic I am.
"A light, soft pink." I nod. "Any flower i that color would be amazing."
"Mentally noted." Ethan's adds, giving his head a tap. "You like chocolate?" He asks.
"Ethan stop." I laugh. "I refuse to give information that could help with the process of buying me something." He laugh but stops abruptly to shake his head.
"Wait?! Why not?" He laughs.
"Spend your money on something you will enjoy." I smile, pressing into his muscular chest with my index finger.
"I will be, I enjoy seeing you happy. Now seriously girl! You like your chocolate brown or white ehh?" He asks, a strange accent rolling amongst the words, I laugh at it hysterically.
"You need to stop!" I catch my breath.
"Not until I get answers." He crosses his arms across his chest. Looking around the room in a passive-aggressive way. I laugh and shake my head again at him. He just won't give up.
"I like milk chocolates." I give into his little silent treatment game, unable to go another minute without his shining smile and the happiness it brings along with.
"Awesome, now I'll stop being an asshole." He smiles and sits politely in his chair once again. His eyes on me.
"You are what you eat." I laugh at my own joke as his eyes widen.
"What kind of sexy beast did you swallow?!" He projects loudly. We both burst into an uncontrollable haze of laughter. I clap my hands together and get lost in the feeling of happiness. Feeling only few things. The trill of Ethan's laughter in my ears, the joy of his smile, and the sheer satisfaction of being able to call this moment in time mine.
It's amazing how this morning I was so empty and emotionless I thought I wouldn't smile at all for the rest of the day. Now look at me. Face red, tears of laughter streaming down my face.
What an angel Ethan Dolan truly is.
A/N: didn't edit yet don't hate me for mistakes
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE MY BABIES🎅🏻
you on the naughty or nice list this year?
YOU ARE READING
cancer, egd
Fanfiction"Wait, so why did you want to do this?" I ask. "Why not?" "I don't know." I look around the dull room. "It's boring." "The only the boring about this is the way you are currently thinking." He laughs, propping his legs up on my bed like he owns it...
