A/ N IF YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE IN ANY WAY: PROCEED WITH CAUTION (strap in bby this is one hell of a chapter)
only a day and I've already returned. i have truly fucked up. but I can't have Ethan go through the pain of actually liking me. it will only be harder on him once I'm gone... and I don't want to have to go through that. but i also don't want him to think I'm rejecting him. i truly do love him. what I told him was true, he would've liked me more when I was alive. i would've gladly kissed him back there if I wasn't in this position.
my head pounds with all the feelings and thoughts I get from trying to figure out how to pull my life together. i want Ethan to be happy. i want to be happy. i want Ethan to be okay once I pass on. but those are all things that I want.
may what I really need is some quiet time with my mom. i need her to be happy because I'm all she has right now. since my dad left, she's been broken down with guilt, and my attitude didn't help. so I need her to be happy because I'm afraid she won't ever find happiness again after I leave. i wish she would come to see me more though.
The white noise starts to buzz in my ears, telling me it's time to wake up. The ring gets louder until the beeping of a monitor slowly fades into my range of hearing. I refrain from opening my eyes, but I can't avoid reality forever. My eyes slowly open, revealing the familiar room that I will call home for the rest of my days. On my nose and mouth I can see and feel an oxygen mask. Upon both my forearms, I feel new IVs and cold, sharp needles that bruise my wrists.
But in my right hand I feel warmth, and a comforting sensation. My eyes, swollen and aching, trail down to a built figure in a gray hoodie, I know who it is so I don't feel any rush of panic. The boy's body is slouched over the bed, his arms crossed and placed upon the hard mattress, his hooded head tucked in the crook of one of his folded elbows, blocking his face from my view. Entangled within his fingers lays my frail hand. I see peeks of his soft, brown waves over his hood.
I smile, emotion rushing my body, sending tears to my eyes. I reach out with my free hand and gently rake my fingers through his thick waves. As the tears roll down my cheek all I can think of is his sweet words. 'You are still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen' 'But I love you now'.
A sob escapes my lips and I stop combing my finger through his hair to snake my hand under the mask and cover my mouth, stifling the mumbles from my mouth. I squeeze my eyes shut regretting everything I did. Regretting that I allowed him to fall like this. I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath into the mask and take my hand out of it.
I feel Ethan's hand tense around mine, his dark eyelashes starting to flutter. He lifts his head and places it on the palm of his free hand, his eyes still closed. The sight of his face breaks my heart, a deep sorrow overtaking each and every bit of happiness I had at seeing him.
Ethan's face isn't the same. The color of his beautiful face has been washed away. His gorgeous, clear eyes now have dark circles underneath them, his chin and jaw now holding an untidy stubble. He's looks as if he hasn't been sleeping for weeks. His eyes slowly open until they meet mine and they widen immediately. His pale lips part.
"Vic." He whispers, his voice breaking down, just as his face has. He reaches out with his hand and tucks a strand of loose hair behind my ear, a smile appearing on his face. "You're back." His eyes get glassy as a tear slips down his cheek, his face dropping. "I'm so sorry." He hushes deeply, his voice holding such regret and pain. I put my hand on the side of his face, smiling at him I shake my head.
"This isn't your fault." I soothe, letting my hand fall as I nod to him, he puts on a smile without showing his teeth and nods. Lifting our intertwined hands, he presses the back of my hand to his cheek, his eyes closed. More tears fall from his eyes and I hurts me to see them. "I love you, you must know that." My voice if muffled through the mask, but I'm sure he can understand what I'm saying. "I care for you, but loving me will only get you hurt. I can't be the reason for your pain, that would kill me."
He shakes his head and furrows his brows, opening his eyes back up to look me dead in the eye. "You can't do that to me." His shakes his head faster and wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. "You can't say that you love me until I can hold you when you do." He sobs. Other than frequent sobs from both of us, the room goes silent.
"Ethan I don't want to hurt you." I shake my head. He pinches the bridge of his nose and his shoulders start to shake uncontrollably. Remembering that my hand is still in his, I squeeze his hand.
Without giving a thought, fearful I regret it, I rip my mask off and grab both sides of Ethan's face. His expression ridden over with shock. I shake my head and smile.
"You win." I mumble before pulling his face to mine, crashing those gorgeous, soft, pink lips to mine. I kiss him gently and pull back moments later, both of us out of breath, our heart rates through the roof. My body pulses with an amazing sensation, feeding my soul with warmth. Our eyes flick back and forth between each others, Ethan bands his large hands around my wrists and connects our lips again, this time longer, more passionate.
"I love you." He breathes heavily, tilting his head, pressing harder into me. I can taste the salty tears upon both sets of lips, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is him. His touch, his taste, his gentle feel.
"I love you more." I breath, he pulls back abruptly a chuckle forming in his throat. I giggle at him and his 'bitch please' facial expression. I smile widely and uncontrollably at his beautiful bright eyes.
"Not possible." He laughs, planting a last kiss on the tip of my nose.
So this is what happiness truly feels like. I could get used to it.
A/N. OOOOHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDD😭
ARE YOU SHOOK YET?
comment if you think I should ramp up the heat on the story🔥
YOU ARE READING
cancer, egd
Fanfiction"Wait, so why did you want to do this?" I ask. "Why not?" "I don't know." I look around the dull room. "It's boring." "The only the boring about this is the way you are currently thinking." He laughs, propping his legs up on my bed like he owns it...
