Thoughts I Have

'Teenager Syndrome'

My thoughts on the parenting books I've found laying around my house
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From infants to teens, parents want a good relationship with their child. They want love and respect.
I've heard of two distinct styles: Attachment parenting, or child-led parenting, and respect-based parenting, or parenting led by the parents.
Neither sounds appealing or functional to me.
Rather than discuss everything wrong with these styles, which I could spend hours doing, I will outline what I've learned about proper parenting from my own parents.

First, parents should set a good example for their children. They should not be hypocritical. Children hate that, and it doesn't make any sense! Don't use special pleading either.

Second, expect what you give. If you respect your children as human beings, love them, and trust them, they will reciprocate that.
How can a parent respect or trust a child?
A parent can do everything they can to acknowledge the child's opinions at all times as valid, and treat the child with dignity. The parent can trust the child with what is reasonable to trust them with based on their ability and wisdom.

A parent can refrain from saying or implying they are superior or 'know best,' because not only will children fail to respond well to that, it shows the children their parents view their own opinions as better than their children's.

How does a parent maintain respect? By earning it, mostly. If a parent is worthy of respect, they'll have an awesome relationship with their kid.

Examples:
My mom and I were close a year ago.
But I viewed her more as an equal than a mother.
She told me not to do something, and I did it behind her back.
She found out, and explained the natural consequences of my choice, including the lack of trust my choice created between us.
I learned to respect her from that.
Now, I know I can tell her anything, and she will listen.
My friends began doing drugs, and she's the first person I told.
She trusted me to make a wise decision after giving me the tools to do so, and giving me advice and encouragement to do what I knew was right.
She listened to me, so I listened to her. She gave me advice, but refrained from making the decision for me.
That gave me the freedom to make it myself.
If she's done otherwise, I'd trust her less, and I would never have gained the maturity to make future choices on my own.

Children gain maturity when they are challenged to respond maturely, and guided to do so.
Parents should be respected guides superiors in the eyes of the children, not authoritarians.
Children should be listened to, even if not complied with.
Don't tell toddlers no, tell them you understand their feelings and wish you could give them what they want.
It works so much better.

Don't tell a child not to yell. Ask them how they can speak nicely.

Children should be valued, not undermined.
No, they are far from able to live life on their own. They do need parents to enforce things sometimes, like bedtimes or homework before play.
But children don't need a million rules. They need guidance.

Teenager syndrome is a problem with parents as much as children: when parents don't trust the kids, kids will not trust their parents. When parents will not listen to kids, kids won't either.
Teenager syndrome is a child who doesn't have a good relationship with their parent.

What are your theories on parenting?