Rolling away from Joe, you laid back against the pillow and caught your breath, your face was hot and a fine sweat littered your face.
"That was great." You said between breaths, glancing at him beside you as he stared to the ceiling, his chest rising and falling quickly catching his own breath.
"It was." He agreed, nodding – turning his head he glanced at you and grinned.
Rolling onto his slide and scooting a bit closer to you, after you both caught your breath, you sat up before Joe could put his arm around you and try to snuggle up.
"Your going?" He asked with your back to him, you mouthed exactly the same words he spoke, "you know I can't stay." You stood up, finding your underwear on the floor, pulling them back on.
"Can't you just for once?" He sighed a little bit, brushing his hair from his eyes watching you as you found your bra, putting it back on and your jeans, as you stepped into them you said;
"sorry." With a flash of an apologetic smile, you buttoned and re-zipped your jeans, now looking for your t-shirt.
"You always say, you're sorry, but you don't mean it." Joe muttered sitting up in his bed, the blanket covering his lower half now.
"No..." You trailed off, agreeing with him a little bit, pulling your t-shirt back on, you stood fully dressed at the foot of his bed looking back at him.
Joe and you had been friends for a long few years but had only started a friends with benefits relationship six months ago.
You were fine with it, Joe and you got along, you knew he was a nice – clean guy and you were both kind of anti-socials who Youtubed for a living, so it worked.
You started a strictly for pleasure relationship and didn't let it effect your friendship, you both got your jollies and continued on with life.
However within the last month and a half, Joe had started making mention of maybe trying a relationship.
You dismissed the idea of it, shutting it down immediately and it stayed at a beneficial friendship.
"Why d'you gotta be a bitch about it?" He asked making a face, "I'm not, I'm just – being honest." You whispered, glancing away from him as he got up and found his boxers.
"You know, I have feelings for you... You could maybe acknowledge them for once." He pointed out, pulling his grey track pants on, standing shirtless a metre or less away.
"You never use to be this whiney after sex – what changed?" You sighed, you hated getting into the emotional stuff, especially with Joe. "My heart decided to like you, while my brain told me not to?" He suggested.
"Listen to your brain." You said dryly, "why can't we just cuddle? For like – five minutes. You don't have to just get up and leave." He gestured to the messy bed.
"Cuddling leads to feelings, you're already having issues with feelings... Why make them worse?" You pointed out, trying to make a valid point. "Because, maybe that's what normal people do?" He was watching you.
"Yeah, but we aren't normal people Joe – we are friends with benefits." You found your 'CTFxC is for haters' zip up hooded sweater and pulled it on.
"Maybe, I want more." Joe said with a little more seriousness in his tone, "and I think you do, too." He added and you scoffed – almost choking on your saliva. "Do not." You said quickly.
Joe crossed his arms tightly over his chest, "(Y/N)..." He said in a quizzing tone, watching for any sign of you caving in.
"Joe..." You repeated mockingly, crossing your own arms now, staring him down in return. "Don't mock me... That means your avoiding the subject." He pointed out.
"Damn." You whispered, "why can't you just – give me a chance? I'm a good guy!" He pointed out.
"I know you're a good guy, Joe. Okay? I know that." You muttered, knowing this conversation was coming at some point, you still weren't prepared for it.
"So? LOVE ME!" Joe said in a higher, almost pleading type tone. "No." You said darkly, narrowing your eyes.
"What are you scared of?" While he asked the question, Joe walked closer to you but you stepped back keeping the distance between you the same as before.
"I'm not scared of anything." You shifted your weight from one leg to the other. "You've completely ruined the great sex we just had with your emotional crap." You tried to be mean, so hard it was to keep trying to push him away.
"Are you scared to love me, because of what happened with Trevor?" He asked seriously.
Trevor was an ex boyfriend of yours, from several years ago now – but he had been cheating on you for the last three months of your relationship, he texted you to break up with you and immediately moved in with his new girlfriend.
He was kind of a complete ass from the start of your year long relationship, but you were young, naive and he was your first boyfriend – boyfriend so you let a lot of things slide, since that time ... You had become pretty cold about letting people close to you. You never wanted to feel a hurt like that again.
"No, absolutely not." You lied and you could tell badly because Joe's expression had gone from a serious-inquiring one to a softer- sympathic one. "(Y/N)..." He said softly.
"No, do not – don't even ..." You tried to stop him from giving you the sympathy card, that it was okay and you didn't want that – you still had people treating you like you were a lost puppy sometimes, you hated it.
"I don't want to love you, because I don't love you." You said.
"I don't believe that." Joe said now, with a shake of his head. "I really think you're scared. But, I'm not Trevor – Trevor is an asshole ... I'm." Joe paused.
"Amazing?" You suggested, Joe brought his eyes up to meet yours, his blues staring deep into your (colour's). "Funny? Talented?" You continued with the suggestions, before you broke eye contact with him.
"If you like me, say you like me." Joe was more serious again. "I, don't like you." You set your jaw tight and picked up your phone which was on the floor from falling out of your pocket.
"Same time next week?" You asked now as you walked to the door frame of his door, stepping into your sneakers that you left tied, opening the door, you looked back to him.
"... Yeah." He said lowly, looking at the floor, giving up a little bit. "But, you need to know something." He caught you before you could leave entirely.
"Not every guy is the same, you unfortunately found a dick who treated you horribly. We aren't all like that – I'm not like that, I'm great and I deserve great in return and YOU deserve great... I know you're playing hard ass but you aren't. You're soft and squishy just like everyone else and you need someone else. No one should be alone in this life, I'm going to keep trying until you give me a chance. I don't care how long it takes..." He made his speech as you walked upstairs, leaving the flat.
Normally you took the bus home after you left Joe's but tonight you decided to take the twenty-five minute walk home, with your hands in your pockets, thinking and thinking hard...
... Rolling over, your head hit the pillow again, catching your breath, you looked up at the ceiling of Joe's bedroom. "Good?" You asked, giving him a slight glance, he nodded – catching his own breath. "Good." He replied.
Rolling onto his side, you rolled away onto yours – Joe slipped his arm around you and held you down a little as you resisted trying to get up. You slowly gave up and stayed unmoving.
Joe moved feeling him against your back, he rested his head on the pillow beside yours. "I know, you still hurt." He whispered, "I'll hold you until the hurt is gone, (Y/N)." He squeezed you a little. "You're never gonna be alone." He added.
You stayed silent, being held – was weird. "We don't have announce a relationship tomorrow. But, I want you to please give me a chance, let me show you – we aren't all bad?" He asked softly, his finger tips were running small circles on your stomach.
"... Yes?" He asked after you didn't speak for a long minute, you took in a shallow breath, "okay." You whispered...
