forty-seven: a funeral
"Are you sure you're up for this? I understand if you want to just stay home..." Zayn says quietly, standing in the doorway as Louis adjusts his tie and looks at his reflection in the mirror. It had only been three days since they'd gotten back from the hospital and Louis' behavior was worrying Zayn. He acted as if nothing had happened, like he didn't have a care in the world which in turn still continued to terrify Zayn.
"I need to get out of the house, Zayn." Louis says, finishing up with his tie and turning to look at his husband. Zayn doesn't move from his spot though, watching Louis wearily as Louis grabs his coat jacket off the end of the bed.
"It's a funeral, Lou. I highly doubt that's the kind of place you need to be at. Hell, you shouldn't even be out of bed right now. Your doctor made it more than clear your'e supposed to be on bed rest..." Zayn whispers, letting out a sigh when Louis pulls on the jacket. Louis wasn't listening to him, not that he was really expecting him to.
"Liam saved my life, Zayn. I owe him. I'll be fine so stop worrying."
"I'm not going to stop worrying about you. You just went through something very traumatic, you just lost a baby... You need to st-" Zayn starts only to be interrupted by Louis.
"Do not talk to me about what I need, alright? You have no idea what I need, you don't even know what the hell it is I'm feeling right now. So I'm going to this funeral, you can either come with me or stay here but either way I'm going." Louis says, clearly finished with conversation as he shoves past Zayn. Zayn reaches out a hand to grab Louis' arm, only to have Louis knock it away.
"Don't." Louis whispers before he finally leaves the room. Zayn stays standing there for a little while longer, running a hand through his hair and down his face as he blinks back tears.
"Daddy?" Nathan's voice is what brings Zayn back, the young man sniffing a little before turning around to see his eldest son standing in the hallway with a tie in his hands. Zayn clears his throat before bending down and grabbing the tie and wrapping it around Nathan's neck. Nathan stays quiet, watching as Zayn ties it. It was almost as if Nathan could tell that Zayn was on a breaking point, knowing better than to say something that might upset him. Once Zayn is finished, Nathan throws his arms over around Zayn's neck and places a soft kiss onto his father's cheek. Zayn returns the hug, standing up from the ground and holding Nathan in his arms as he starts to make his way downstairs.
"Are we ready then?" Louis asks, looking up from fixing Quinn's dress.
"Are you really going to pretend like nothing is wrong?" Zayn asks in turn, getting his answer as Louis picks up Quinn and starts to walk towards the front door. Zayn watches after him, wishing more than anything that he could just grab Louis and make him stay.
But it didn't seem like Zayn had much say in the matter at hand, so instead of doing what he wanted... he did what Louis wanted and took the boys to the car. The ride was completely silent, neither of them saying a word to each other or even sparing each other a glance. Zayn keeps his eyes on the road the entire time while Louis plays with his hands and looks out the window or into the back where all the kids were at.
The tension is still there once they reach the place where Liam's funeral was being held, both of them keeping their silence as Louis carries Quinn and Zayn keeps on eye on the boys as they walk into the building.
"I'm going to go talk to Niall, you watch the kids." Louis says, already passing Quinn over before Zayn even got the chance to say anything else. Zayn lets out a sigh, shaking his head a little as he looks around the room in hopes of maybe seeing Harry.
Louis makes his way through the room, forcing himself to smile once he reaches him. Niall looks more than surprised to see Louis there, moving Easton to his other side before pulling Louis into a hug.
"I didn't think you'd come. How're you doing?" Niall asks after a minute, pulling away from Louis and giving him a sympathetic look. Louis tries not to grimace at that, more than sick of that look already.
"I'm fine." Louis says, feeling the bitterness of the lie on the tip of his tongue as Niall gives him an uncertain look.
"I don't believe that for even a second, Lou... What you've been through... You shouldn't be f-"
"I'm fine, Niall. I came here to support you, not to talk about me." Louis says, keeping his voice steady despite the fact that he wanted more than anything to scream. Niall nods though, seeming to drop the subject before turning his attention towards the closed casket.
"You know... for the first time in over a year I feel... I feel genuinely relieved." Niall whispers, almost looking ashamed at what he'd just said.
"He... He used to be the love of my life, you know? I thought I was going to spend the rest of my days with him, have a few more kids... Ride off in the sunset or something like that. I never... I never saw it coming... I never thought he'd... He'd be such a monster... " Niall whispers, looking sad for just a moment before standing up a little straighter. It was then that Louis noticed the bulge of Niall's stomach, his heart aching at the sight.
"You're pregnant again, aren't you?" Louis asks, placing a hand over his own bump out of pure habit. Niall actually smiles, nodding a little as he bites down on his bottom lip.
"We found out just a few days before Liam came back... and we never really got around to telling anyone." Niall says, keeping up the smile even as Louis continues to force his. Louis can't look at Niall now, his gaze venturing around the room and falling on Zayn who looked completely content standing off to the side with their children.
And in that moment, Louis felt alone.
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okay. so there might actually be more than three chapters left... cause I'm trying to figure out how to end this book... cause it is the end of the series and clearly we need a happy ending... but things are sad af right now so i can't end it properally.
so yeah.
sorry if it's dragging out and I'm sorry i haven't updated frequently for the past month. I haven't really felt like myself for a while and I'm having a hard time writing happy stuff... so yeah.
but i have a question for you guys... do you want me to wait till the end of this book to post Double Trouble or do you want the first chapter? Cause I have the first three chapters done lol.
dedication goes to larryloversince2010
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