Where The Heart Is

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Kristen's Pov

I honestly did not feel like getting out of bed today. I laid there in my bed, staring at the ceiling for as long as I could muster. Trying to clear my head, I focused on the blades of the spinning fan above.

A long day lay out in front of me, and I had every intention to make it the best I can. Even though today, October 7, marks three years since I lost him.

This time, it's worse. I've quit the Team and everything I promised I'd do for him. Guilt was the only thing on my mind; that it should've been me that night. And that was the honest truth; it should have been me. I was the one threatened, I was the one that should have-

I shook my head, blinking to dry out the tears in my eyes. "Keep yourself together, Kris. Get dressed."

With that I was in the bathroom, doing my best to rinse my face and distract myself. In the mirror, I could see redness around my eyes, slowly fading from last night. Desperately, I attempted to look normal, just so I wouldn't have to go through Mal's ridiculous questionnaires.

After throwing on some leggings and a dark red sweater, I grabbed the keys to head out. Just as my hand reached the door handle, a voice called out. "Where are you going?"

I froze with a grimace. Mal's voice was hoarse like she just woke up. "Um, out. I'll be back later."

"Out? At 6:30 in the morning?"She was starting to sound skeptical now, and she had every right to, but all I wanted today was some alone time.

"I couldn't sleep," I turned to give her an apologetic look. Her mouth opened slightly to say something, but I knew that face. Mal probably knew me better than I knew myself, and with the way she was looking at me, I immediately decided I needed to get out of there.

"Go back to sleep, I'll be back right after lunch," I slammed the door before another word could reach me. Breathing out a sigh, I headed down the stairs to the parking lot, my heart pounding.

If I'm going to be honest, I've never been to his grave before. So today, I'm going to face my fears and say hi for once. Maybe this time, I won't be so desperate to get rid of his presence.

The past few years had been hard. Painfully hard, some days more than others. It's difficult to explain. I could go weeks without having to relive memories and then all of sudden he's all I could think about.

That's what the past year has been like for me. Joining the Team is something I think he would be proud of. I guess not.

Gosh, what was I doing? I'm acting like he's still here. All I can do is keep a promise. All I can do is try my best to help others.

Sitting in the car, I could barely keep my heart beat a normal pace. I really had no reason to be nervous, but for some reason, I couldn't get out of my seat. I was stuck in the middle of the path in a graveyard, just because I was too nervous to face my dead brother.

That sounded so morbid.

I inhaled and exhaled. This was it. I grabbed my bag and stepped out of the car. The brisk air hit my lungs, stinging every breath I took. The slight wind threw my hair in circles around my head. Leaves crunched under my combat boots, as I made my way up the hill.

Maximus Heath. October 7, 2013. A brother, a son. A young heart.

Did I really want to do this? Was it worth facing him after what I did? Something stirred in the back of my head. A flash of purple, a scream.

I shook my head, clearing my mind. I was here for him, not to complain about my problems. This was his day, his moment, his memory. I will not let go.

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