Effort At Its Finest (Brother's Bestfriend)

Chapter One

"Love? It's like a cigarette. You get addicted fast, but it slowly and painfully kills you from the inside out."

- Alli Ward

Hello again. (:

Did you miss me?

I missed you!

I'd like to welcome you to the new mind of...

~

I remember the first time I met Xavier. He and I kind of hated each other. It was actually funny; my sophomore year I picked on him so much because he was a freshmen. He never payed me much attention, and it annoyed me because I'd never get to him.

One day I heard he would soon be living on his own, raising his sister alone. I didn't feel bad, but I wanted to talk to him. I always wanted to talk to him, I just didn't know how to talk to people.

At a Simpson party that same year, I found him drinking alone, so I sat with him. We didn't say anything, we just sat. It was boring, so before I left I lit a cigarette and suddenly he stood and chunked his bottle into the trees. The soft clink of the glass hit the ground and he was about to turn to leave, but I found myself asking him if he was okay.

He stopped and gave me a look- one that I won't forget because it was so ridiculous. "Yeah." And he kept walking.

I stayed there for the next ten minutes, smoking and staring at the blankness of the sky. No stars, and the clouds covered the moon. I didn't notice, and I didn't care. Xavier came back with two beers and sat beside me again. We drank in silence. I like to think of it as a peace treaty. "In the mood for Whataburger." I told him.

"I'm always in the mood for Whataburger." He said with his casual chuckle. He laughed so normally it felt like we were friends for a second. "A.1. thick-n-hardy?" He asked jokingly.

"Fuck yes, A.1. is the best." I like to say it was Whataburger that brought us together. That night when we went there at midnight and ate an A.1. Thick-N-Hardy, I remember we talked like men. It was casual, and although we were young, him fifteen and I was almost seventeen, we got close fast.

Another thing about that night I won't forget is before we left he reached out to his wallet and went to order one more thing, and came back with a large sweet tea. "Just not enough?" I joked.

"It's for my baby sister." He told me. I remember thinking of her an actual baby, when she was probably ten- so she was technically a baby.

I drove him home. I didn't know much about him, that was just the first time we hung out. He lived in an apartment for a few years, I knew that. It was my senior year when we got close. He had taken an advanced class and we goofed off together, and we still got a perfect A. I think it was astronomy or anatomy or something like that. I took both of those my junior year and remember getting an A, because I loved those classes.

We'd usually go out around then, just eat together, crash parties and get really drunk.

One night I remember he was really high and he started crying. It was the first of the few times I've ever seen him cry. "I feel like I'm the child," He sobbed. I didn't know how to comfort anyone, so I stood there like an idiot, but he went on. "My sister, she's eleven and she's the adult of the house. My dad does nothing but sit on his ass with his lousy job that he never does. She's the one who takes care of us."

At the time I was supposed to think about his sister as a hero, but I didn't think twice about her. I only thought of how much of a wimp he was. And I told him that. "She's eleven. She's five years younger than you and you're gonna be a pussy and let her baby you?" Sympathy was out of the question, one: because he was high, two: because sympathy was alien to me.

He never remembered the advice I gave him and that's okay, I preferred it that way. He remembers his fit though, he always would. That's another thing that made us friendlier. We hung out more and more, and I'd always go over when he moved into his nice house.

Xavier always invited me over when Macy was gone.

"I thought you said you had a baby here or something?" I asked him one day when we sat around and watched tv.

"My sister? Yeah, she lives here. She has a busy life." He told me.

We were best friends around that time and we always hung out. We actually did everything together, as girly as it sounds.

When he told me he'd be away for a month, it was never a big deal until called me two days before he left to Austin. "I need a huge favor." He told me. "You need to come over and stay at my house while I'm gone and watch my sister."

"What," I said, acting like I had no idea what he said. "Sorry Zave, reception here sucks."

"Fuck you," He grumbled and I laughed at him. "I'm serious, come over tomorrow morning and get your things settled and stuff. It'll be really easy, I just need you to make sure she's gets good sleep and no one comes to the house."

I agreed, and thought about how screwed I was because I had no idea how to watch a baby. I didn't think it through or do the math to understand that she was far from one. My common sense was shit then because I didn't even care.

That morning Xavier and I had an early morning drink and we talked about nothing special, I'm assuming because I can't remember what it was. I do remember when he had called her down. "Macy! Conrad's here!!" He shouted and I heard the echo of his voice throughout the kitchen and living room.

He shouted again and turned around to bump into a small figure. I didn't fully see her until she stood before me.

"Hi, I'm Macy," She stuck her hand house and I took it, holding back my daze. The first thing I thought- I couldn't remember because I only stared at her.

I didn't like her at all, and it was because she was so different from me. "Conrad," I said back. I actually tried to scare her off by sounding extremely rude, and Xavier gave me a curious look. He asked me throughout the entire day why I was suddenly so bitter, but I didn't have an answer for him.

It's hard thinking back, because now here I am in the same place, leaning against the same counter, thinking about the same girl. She was no baby, she never was, and it was a great surprise. Now she's gone.

"Conrad, I'm off," Xavier told me, grabbing his things for school and heading out the door.

"Bye," I said, and decided it was time to stop moping and get back to work.

Xavier and I changed. He was going to school and I was too. We both took two years at UT after one year of community College. We decided to come back, still unsure of what we wanted. So for now we just stayed at Xavier's house. I moved into the guest room, so it was mine now.

Since we were back, it was hard for me. All I ever saw was Macy. I'd walk to the bathroom every morning and would be able to smell her. Her room- although she had moved out- still had everything but clothes in it, and the door was always shut. Sometimes during the day time I'd be able to see that peeking light underneath her door from the windows that once woke her up in the morning.

No one expects to be so affected when meeting a person. With my luck of course, I ended up getting stuck to absolutely everything she was. When she left I was a mess, that entire summer I destroyed myself.

I remember one night particularly when I stayed out too late, swaying and slurring the words to whatever song it was she loved. I have no idea how many people I woke that morning, and that's when I knew I had hit rock bottom.

But it's over. Officially after years of drugs and tearing myself apart, it's over, and it's been four years since I heard her voice. Finding out she left when I was waiting at their house for two hours was embarrassing. Xavier was misty eyed and I'd been seeing more of his tears lately. He told me, "Macy just left." I didn't know what he meant, no one ever told me. In the end it was my fault, because I was too late. I'm always too late.