3TS: The Chances of Starting Again

Hot Tears

My cheeks feel warm. But I'm not blushing. I'm crying those white, hot tears.

Hot tears streamed down faster and faster. I felt anger well up inside of me. I felt...

Journal, honestly, I had mixed feelings. And no one in the world could comfort me. Like Trent had done. He had hugged me. He had known the big change that had happened to me. Trent...

"Trent. Trent. Trent. Trent!" I frustratedly moved my hand through my hair as I threw out my anger saying his name.

He was messing with my head. I should have never...no. 

Traveling back in time was a good thing.

Juan didn't have any trouble. I have no hurt feelings from Juan.

Everything was good. Nothing should be wrong. But something was. Something felt wrong.

Even though my heart was supposed to be light and empty of regret, it was weighed down with heartache.

And a heavy heart, without comfort, is a harder heart to carry, than a regretful heart with a friend there to comfort you.

I had to get out of here. Go to a place where no memories would haunt me. Wiping tears, I eased out a fire exit and bent my head down to hide my face behind my tear-stricken hair as I made my way down the stairs.

Why had he not seen me? Isn't that how it was supposed to go? Why were the wishing stars not working anymore? Who could I trust here with all my secrets?

Clouded with all my thoughts, I stumbled on the last step and tumbled out of the door.

Someone caught me with one hand and propped me to sit up. I wished it was Trent. In all my jumbled thoughts, I wished it was him. But the stars weren't good to me. They never were.

So I pushed away whoever had helped me. But whoever helped me just patted my back.

"It's okay, girl. Just tell me all about it."

Through the moonlight, I saw the familiar sunglasses and wavy long hair of Ria. The only person that knew about my troubles. 

That's when I finally broke. 

"Ria, how could they do this to me? I've tried to make it better. But then Trent doesn't know me. Juan is acting like nothing has happened. And the stars aren't good to me anymore." I could feel my heavy breathing.

I might have sounded crazy. But Ria didn't acknowledge it. I guess she knew, remembering all the times she had watched me from afar.

She was silent for a moment as she let me cry a little. 

Then whispered, "I know it's hard for you. It's hard to know what had happened. It's hard to know the future..." She paused at this moment. Probably feeling the true weight of knowing everything that could happen. "But, in this cycle, Juan really doesn't know anything that happened. And the stars, they are never on your side. They never make your fate. But you do." As she said this, I started to sniffle. 

The truth hit me like a large block of ice. Cold and hard. 

"You made the decision to come back. That's why Trent doesn't know you." Her words echoed in my mind.

I thought this was going to be a joy ride. A breeze. A piece of cake. I wouldn't have made that accidental mistake in the dance. Our school would have won. Juan wouldn't bully me anymore. And Trent would still be my friend.

All I did was sit there and look into the distance as I repeated her words, "It's hard to know the future."