missing | gilinsky

58

"Thank you for sticking around," I say, closing my eyes. 

"Anything for you," he reckons, and then I'm off into dreamland, blessing God for not making me a vomiter, because that'd really suck right about now. 

Jack Gilinsky

I was planning on leaving when Johnson called me last night to hang out with them. I was literally in the middle of buying a plane ticket back to New York. I guess God really does work in mysterious ways. 

But as I lay with Nadia wrapped up in my arms I can't figure out if this is the right thing or not. I know that it feels right at the moment, but will it feel right a couple weeks from now? What happens if Justin and Nate strike at us a second time?

The police haven't caught them yet, and they could be anywhere, waiting patiently while planning their next attack. I don't know if I'd be able to live myself if I put Nadia through another horrible incident. She's already dealt with enough this past year, she doesn't need my baggage piling on top of it. 

It hurts to think that leaving her might be an option for me, but if it'll keep her and everyone else safe I'm willing to do so. I just can't think of when. There's no way I'm leaving her right now, not with the way things are going for us. 

But if not not, when? I can't stay here forever, no matter how much I want to. I have an old crappy life to get back to that doesn't include Nadia, Hannah, or even Johnson. It's just me, myself, and I. And maybe Justin and Nate. 

Staring down at her, I stroke my thumb up and down her shoulder, hoping it feels good enough to help her fall asleep with the killer headache I know she has. 

I try not to sigh too deeply, because I don't want to disturb her, but she shifts anyway, making it so I'm spooning her while she lays on her side. I lift my hand to a position where I can still be stroking her shoulder, and continue to think about the future.

Our future. 

Do we even have one? I'd like to think so, but there's no way to tell. I mean, who would've thought what happened to Sam would've happened to him. Not me that's for sure. 

Before Mom got sick she would always tell me and my sisters to live in the moment, but right now living in the moment is making me want to be cautious towards what's coming ahead. How can I be in the present when what I'm doing now is going to effect what eventually happens down the road from now? 

It's times like these where I wish I could think like she did, and be so sure of everything. 

But then again look where it got her. I don't want to end up like that, and I certainly don't want Nadia to end up like that. So it's better to keep my options open - all of them, whether I like it or not. 

Hannah

I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding a box of the crappy cereal Gilinsky went out and got this morning, while watching Johnson sleep beside me, squished up into a ball. Poor kid is probably going to be sore and when he finally wakes up, not that I care. He deserves it. 

Gilinsky's priorities are really confusing to me. He has a bed in his room, a small desk, and a laptop - not to mention a car where he doesn't even really live, as well as this house he rented. But he doesn't have the house furnished - at all. And he didn't have any food until I complained to him that I was hungry. Not to mention there's no bowls or anything to even put any food in. 

As I stick my hand in the box for another handful, Johnson stirs in his sleep, letting out a snore. Pursing my lips I cock my head to the side, wondering what he's dreaming about, if he's even dreaming at all. 

Maybe he's dreaming about Mallory Thompson. 

I roll my eyes at myself. Why do I care if he's dreaming about Mallory? It's not like I have feelings for him anymore. Not like I did before. But that doesn't make it any easier on me. The fact that he practically lead me on for four months isn't something I can just forget. 

I know he liked me like I liked him for at least a little while, but that was then and this is now, and I need to move on. I guess that was another reason why I decided to take Sam to prom with me. My heart stings a bit, thinking about my selfishness. 

I close the box of cereal, losing my appetite. I let myself think of how things would be right now if Sam was still with us, but it hurts a lot more than I thought it would, so I stop as if by reflex. 

His funeral is coming up. I thought I'd at least have a few weeks to prepare myself, but Lori and Dave work fast, wanting to get all the heartache out of the way as soon as possible. However, I don't think that rushing the process is going to make it any better. 

I'm not sure how the whole funeral thing works. As shocking as it may seem, I've never been to one. I know there's usually supposed to be a wake before it, but that's all I know. I'm not too excited for the whole ordeal, knowing how emotionally it's going to end up being. 

I think Lori and Dave are inviting a lot of people, so that's going to make it even worse. The more tears I'm going to come in contact with the worse for my mental health. Even though I'm planning on not working myself up enough to let the waterworks come, I don't think it's going to work out how I want it. 

Picking at my nails, I push the thoughts of Sam's funeral out of my head, bringing my attention back to Johnson, who is still sleeping. I wish I was still sleeping. 

Sighing, I let myself fall to the ground and stare up at the ceiling. It's not comfortable, so I don't get how Johnson looks as if he doesn't have a care in the world, but I try my best to work with what I've got. 

Right as I'm finally drifting off, my stupid phone bings in my pocket. Groaning loudly, I sit up, angrily whipping it out. Johnson moans from next to me, letting me know that my phone woke him up too. I don't even feel bad, instead, I smirk. 

When will you be home?

It's from Mom.

Soon :)

"Gilinsky!" I shout. Johnson moans again, this time earning a smack from me, which only causes him to moan louder. "Gilinsky!" I shout again. 

"Shhhhhhhhh!" Johnson retaliates. 

"Gilinsky! Get your ass down here, you're my ride home!"

"Alright! I'll be down in a second!" He exclaims. 

Standing up from the floor, I throw the cereal box at Johnson, hoping to get another rise out of him. It does. 

"I swear I will punch you," he expresses, flipping me the bird. I flip him one back, even though I know he can't tell since he has his eyes closed.

"Do it, you wont," I pester, kicking him with my foot until he swats me away.

"You watch out," he tells me. "You'll get what's coming to you." 

I laugh, shaking my head. I think we've all got what was coming to us in this last week.

Karma can be a real bitch, hopefully she's done with us for now. If not, I'm in for a rude awakening. 

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sorry if this chapter was a little short and boring, but I figured I've thrown enough at you guys so it was a nice quiet one for you lol.

but feel free to vote and comment if you like!

chapter 59 coming soon!! (as well as the end of the book I think, tbh I have no idea where I'm going with this, I had everything planned up until after Sam's death so I'm kind of winging it right now haha. but thanks for dealing with my shit either way)

- gilinskyshigh