50 Days

Day 31

"Please, Jensen."

"Thank you, Misha."

I groaned, tiredly. He knew how to annoy me.
He grazed my skin with his lips again, this time more deliberately. It set my nerves on fire. All these touches lately and we just never did anything. Not really, anyway. It made me all tense and jumpy. "Fuck," I breathed when he slightly bit into my chest. My eyes fell close and I pulled him closer to me, unconsciously exploring his back. "What do you think you are doing, Jensen,"

He shrugged his shoulders, but didn't stop. Instead, he rocked his hips against mine, seeking friction.
Never have I thought he would be the one starting such ... act.

Jensen's breath hitched as I dug my fingers into his shoulder blades, ignoring the pain in my wrist.
By now, I was embarrassingly hard and I knew he could feel it. Hell, I could feel him against my thigh. He shifted and somehow managed to climb on top of me, arms resting on both sides of my face. His forehead leaned against my chest and his breath was hot and damp against my skin.
My fingers roamed down his back, stopping at his hips. I could feel him shaking above me. "Jensen-" He slammed our groins together. "Holy shit."
His head remained pressed against my chest when he started moving his hips against me.

I didn't want this. Not like that. I didn't want him to be embarrassed or feel disgusted by doing something like that. I wanted him to look at me. Wanted to see his face. Wanted to kiss him.
His pace increased and his breathing became more uneven. I could feel him holding back sounds of pleasure.

"Jensen, stop."

For the first time he looked up, eyes pleading. It caught me off guard. I hadn't expected this. Not at all. His face was full of pain and something I couldn't put my finger on. "What? You don't like this?" He grabbed my shoulders and rocked his hips harder against mine.
It made me see stars. It was so hard to stay focused. This was so wrong even though it felt so good.

"I-I ... Jensen ... fuck."

A tear fell down his cheeks. And the next thing I felt was Jensen's dick twitching a few times and then him falling down on me, crying.

"Sh, it's okay. You're alright. Sh."

His body vibrated on top of me. He had crossed his arms on my chest and was hiding his face in them.
I didn't know what to do. I've never wanted this. It felt like someone rammed his hands into my chest and wanted to rip my heart out. My throat was dry and it was hard to breathe.
I kept on rubbing Jensen's back.

"Why," he asked.

I didn't answer. Hell, I didn't even know what he meant. Why did we so this? Why did I let this happen? Why does he feel so disgusting now?

Why was I in love with him?

I shrugged my shoulders, which made him look up. In the dim light, I could still see the redness in his eyes and the slightly swollen lips from biting them so hard. "Misha," he croaked. "I ... I am so sorry."

I shook my head, unconsciously. "No."

Jensen sat up and tilted his head. "No?"

"Don't be sorry," I whispered.

I was the one who should feel sorry. After all, I was the one who'd let this happen. He was married, for god sake. And I loved Danneel. I can't believe I've done that to her.
And Vicki ... That was a different thing. She'd literally encouraged me to do something. (Even though I was pretty sure she didn't mean for Jensen to dry-hump me.)

"Well, I am."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Why?"

He threw his hands up and let them falls down on my stomach. "I just came in my pants, Misha. Like a fucking teenager. This is so frustrating. Because ... Because I don't know. I don't know."