What She's Made Of (Castle)

Through The Door

I've been in this prison of a hospital for a week.  The whole brain tumor thing finally settled in my head.  Today, we're going home.  Well, everyone else is.  I'm being transferred to the 'New York Cancer Hospital'.  I have to stay there for at least a week, then they'll determine if I can go back home or if I have to stay there.  I really wanted to go home with Beckett, Castle, and Alexis.

"Hey, we gotta go in about an hour.  You ready?" Beckett asked as she leaned against my door frame.  "Yeah.  Give me, like, twenty minutes." I said as I carefully got up.  I had been in the same gray sweatshirt and black leggings for the past two days, and I knew I had to shower.  Not only did I probably look gross, but I felt it.  I felt gross and defeated.  I had a feeling I would have to stop working at the precinct soon.  That and I heard Beckett on the phone with Gates last night.  I remember the conversation...

"Yes, it is terrible."

"I'm not sure.  We won't get the full diagnosis until she gets to the hospital in New York."

"Yes, with the whole Tyson thing...I don't know if I want her to keep working or not."

"I'll let her decide, but she knows that I hold full authority over her."

"I think she'll have to talk to you on that one."

"Yes, we should be home tomorrow night.  However she'll be in the cancer hospital for a week."

"Yes, I'll arrange something with her."

"Thank you Sir.  Goodnight."

They didn't want me to return to the precinct.  I understood their reasoning though.  They just wanted to protect me.  To them I was still a kid, not a detective like Beckett or Ryan or Espo.  I stripped down and got into the shower after I locked the bathroom door behind me.  I looked in the mirror and imagine myself differently than ever before.  No hair, scars, thinner...disgusting.  I didn't want to look that way.  I was already terrible as is.

I called Adam a few days ago and told him about what was happening.  He asked what I wanted to do.  I remember turning to Kate for her help.  All she did was say, "It's your call."  I went back to the conversation, and with confidence, answered "I'm still gonna do the show.  When are Knock-Outs?"  I could almost hear his smile as he said, "Two weeks."  That was the part I wasn't sure about.  How was I going to transfer to the hospital and back to California for The Voice?  I'd figure that out later.

I took my shower and probably took longer than twenty minutes, but I knew I had to be quick if we left at noon.  Five hour flight, minus two hour time zone change, be home by three today.  Well, I was going to the fucking cancer hospital.  I hated this!  This whole damn tumor had fucked up my life!  You know what?  Whatever.  Let's just deal with this, get it out, and I can move on with my life.

"It's not that easy." I heard from the other side of the door.  I nearly screamed.  "Who is that?!" I screamed.  "Relax, it's just Lanie." I heard.  Phew, it was only Lanie.  "How do you know?" I asked through the door.  "I'm an ME sweetie.  It's what I do." she answered.  I slid down the door in just my towel and leaned my head against the door.  "Lanie, why did it happen to me?" I asked.  "I'm not sure sweetie.  I never would have expected it to be you." she told me.

"I'll never get to escape this living hell...will I?" I asked.  "Liv, baby, you are the strongest teenager I've ever met.  You have put up with more bull in the past five years than most people will put up with in their entire life." she said.  "Well if I'm one of Tyson's 'Most Wanted', then my life may not be lasting too much longer." I chuckled.  "Liv, don't joke about that.  He's...he's really dangerous.  A lot of us have nearly died because of him." Lanie said.

I almost started crying.  That bastard...he-he messed with my family!  "We'll get him one day...right Lanie?" I asked.  "Soon.  We aren't gonna let him hurt you.  But you gotta come out of there.  We gotta leave in ten minutes.  Javi's already put your stuff in the car to go back to the airport." Lanie said.  I got up and said, "Alright, I'm coming.  Watch out." I opened the door and saw Lanie standing there with a weak smile.

I embraced her in a hug and tried to prevent the few tears that fell down my face.  "I promise sweetheart, there will be a day where you don't have to worry about anything." she whispered as her arms tightened around me.  "When I'm dead." I muttered.  "No.  Do not even say that.  Killing yourself would only put the rest of us in pain.  And knowing you, you care too much about us to die." she said.  "I know.  It'd be kinda weird if you were examining my body." I said, trying to lighten the mood.  "Oh stop it." she teased.

"So?  We going?" I asked.  "Yeah, come on.  Let's go home."