Success

36.

Adore you- Miley Cyrus (Cedric Gervais remix)

After letting me in, I settled into my old room. The room of bad memories. The room that all my horrors would come to life.
I sat on my bed, my mind blank and sadness filling the void.
That was until I noticed an acoustic guitar sitting in the corner of the room. "Mum!" I shouted as I heard footsteps approach my room "yes dear?" She asks coming in "who's is this guitar?" I ask quite confused, "oh it's yours." She smiles "what? No it isn't" I am really confused now.. "Yes it is, after we heard your old one broke, we thought it was appropriate to get you another, in case you came back." She says as I sit here astonished. "Thank you" I smile as she leaves.

I pick up the instrument and start to strum some random chords when my dad walks in "hey Marie" he says sitting next to me "hi dad" I smile "I can tell you're upset what's wrong?" He asks quite concerned. "Just that." I sigh I feel like I'm a teenager again and I'm having boy problems.. "I love Luke so much Dad, you don't understand. But he was with a girl before me for eight years, and in those eight years he got with me and that's how Charlie was born.. But I found out he was with this girl and I had to end it for my sake." I sigh as my dad sits quietly waiting for me to continue, "and so this girl has rang him today to say she's pregnant.. And it's his. It's never been able to work between us, and I think our love is doomed." I finish pulling my hair in frustration. "Well isn't that complicated" my dad chuckles. "I know right" I chuckle sadly. "I know it'll be alright Marie, I've never told you this but I've been on tour with Luke's band multiple times and whenever I am Luke would always come up to me and ask how you were, if I had heard from you and if I did could I tell you that he would like to see you." He sighs in disappointment "I thought he was bad news so I denied him and didn't tell you." Wow. "Really?" I ask stunned "really, he really loves you Marie and even though it's not worked before, it will work." He smiles kissing my head and leaving. It's late but I need to speak to Luke.

Creeping across the street I use the spare key to get into the Hemmings', it's 11 so I thought everyone would be asleep but to my surprise they aren't.
I walk through the house exchanging hi's or hello's with different people but not Luke.
That is until I catch a glimpse of him hunched over in the garden with a beer can in his hand. "Hey" I say making my way next to him "Marie" he smiles in disbelief "yea" I return the smile "what are you doing back?" He asks "I need to speak to you." I say. "Why did you ask my dad if you could see me when he went on tour with you guys?" I ask as I am still in shock "you know about that?" He sighs "yea" I shiver. "Well I wanted to see you.. I missed you like hell I hope you know that. I should've forgot you but I couldn't." He sighed again, "why did you miss me, when you went on tour we weren't speaking?" I say stating the obvious "well.. I'm not going to lie to you Marie, on tour I slept with quite a few girls but every one that caught my attention, I wished it was you. But of course your dad saw these different girls and obviously wouldn't approve of me, I mean look at me, I'm a failure. Two different kids to a bitch and to the girl I love.. I'm a fucking mess" he sighs and I don't know if he's confessing all this or he's thinking out loud under the influence of the beer he has in his hand.
After a few moments silence, I finally come up with something to say, "I don't think you're screwed up or a mess or a failure. Yes it's a crappy situation but you were with this girl for eight years. So that has to mean something?" I say rubbing Luke's back "I guess." Is all he says. "Luke I hope you know what the right thing to do is." I smile a bit kissing his temple "I'm going to put Charlie to bed, goodnight Luke."

I say goodnight to the boys as I get Charlie who's having a nap on the sofa. I gently pick her up and carry  her upstairs. I take her dress off and put her muppet pyjamas on and lay her down. While she's sleeping I go into the bathroom to wash my face and put my shorts and oversized Guns n Roses t-shirt on and climb under the covers with my precious angel.

An hour or so into my deep sleep a creaky door opens; i open one eye to check it's Luke and surely enough it is. However he's stumbling all over the place. I get up and take his hand guiding him to the bed "hey coootie" he giggles "shh Luke" I try to calm him down only encouraging him "shhhh" he mocks giggling once again as I unbutton his shirt "you're eagerrrr" he smiles as I pull off his jeans "and you're drunk" I sigh as I give him his grey trackies "I'm not drunk you silly billy" he smiles lying back onto the bed "okay Luke let's go to bed now yea?" I say with no response signalling  that he had fallen asleep so I go and lie next to him. I softly strike his head like a lost puppy, I'm suddenly not tired.

This is all I wanted, these two muppets. But being happy is too complicated, I never get what I want no matter how badly I want it. Luke Hemmings is out of reach even for me. I can't continue like this, of course I love Luke and will continue to but how much heartbreak has he caused? I need him to grow up now, otherwise I can't be with him. He needs to be there for Charlie as well as this new baby, this is the time he will prove himself to me.