Success

4.

Misery business-Paramore

I've spent weeks now having Luke by my side, sort of helping me and he has really helped! But the thing that sort of saddened me was that a few days after him seeing my scarred wrists he said to me that to keep his reputation up in school we should just hang out after school.. Obviously that really upset me, I mean coming in second to his reputation? Ouch. Being a secret. Still being bullied. And him laughing along with them still. I just hope it's fake laughter otherwise I wouldn't be able to cope..

Since I've only got a few weeks until the end of school and exams next week I've decided to block out the bullies and just focus on getting the grades I want.

Before I enter the hallways that I normally dread, I put in my headphones and turn the volume up so I can keep a low profile.
I walk through the hallway and luckily it's empty for once so I go over to my locker and quickly stuff all my books into my bag. "Hey Marie" a familiar voice says behind my locker door, to actually know which one of the idiot squad it is I close the locker door "H-hi Ashton" I say zipping up my bag "what are you doing?" I ask confused "what do you mean?" he giggled "have you been set up by Michael to prank me?" I ask really confused now that he's messing with my head "still not catching on love?" he says confused now which made me get really irritated "okay then. Let me put it simpler for you Ashton. What are you doing talking to the school nerd? Shouldn't you be burning books? Or making out with one of Catrices Clones?" I basically rant at him "oh" he looks down "that's what you meant. Well I wanted to say hi since I haven't had an opportunity sooner" this makes me scoff "Ashton. Are you bull crapping me?!! You've had all year to say fucking 'hi'!! You're all jerks." I stomp off with him not too far behind "yes yes I know and im really sorry we all regret not giving you a chance, we were just brainwashed by Cat and her army of Barbies" he explained making me come to a hault. "and you're just realising this now?" I ask scoffing once again "sorry" he simply said "you and the rest of your 'group' are a joke," I say letting the anger get the better of me as I see Luke, Calum and Michael turn the corner heading for us "hey Ash! What you doing speaking to her? Asking How to dye your hair like a troll?" mikey stated "you know what, fuck it. What do I have to lose. All four of you boys are cowards and as soon as these exams are over I'll be excited to never see any of your faces ever again." I shouted as they all looked shocked that something like that would come from my mouth "im sick of being shy, I'm sick of everything all 4 of you have put me through this year. Im sick of doing all your homeworks when I can barely do my own," I then turn to look at Luke "and im sure as hell sick of being someone's second choice" I finish walking down the corridor walking through them.

As I turn the corner out of view of all 4 of them I immediately break down, letting the rest of my tears flow. However I could still hear what they were saying as I was only a corridor away "wow the bitch does have a bite" Cal snorts "ahah yea. I was talking to her before and she was having non of it. I was only saying hi and she went off on one" they all burst into laughter but I could tell Luke was trying to fake it "yea yea lads but did you see her turn to Luke though? 'second choice' what did she mean by that?" Mikey chuckled "I have no fucking clue mate. She's deluded I mean I've lived across the road from her for years and she's always had a thing for me. But she's the schools pathetic loser,I honestly couldn't give a shit about her or what she said so let's forget it yea?" he finished which made me cry in disbelief, if that's what he really thinks of me, fine. Fuck him and his artificial friendship I don't need him to help me. I can help myself. I know it'll be hard but I have to for my own sake. There's only one person in this world who you can trust and that's yourself.

-

I got home that day and went straight to my room to study, I want good marks on my exams and that's what I'll bloody get.

After 2 hours of studying I go down stairs to finally face my demons. I've not been in my kitchen for a long time and here it goes my first piece of food I won't feel bad for eating, I start off slow and get a banana. After being healthy im actually going to get an actual meal. My mum left out home made carbonara which I gladly heated up and once the microwave dinged I sat down with my water and carbonara and had my first pleasurable meal in a while.

It felt great to turn over this new leaf I feel really healthy, now I have a good idea for what to do to help my demons calm a bit. But im going to have to to to the mall. The mall is only a 15 minute jog away so I decide to put my running gear on and have a quick jog to the mall.

I got to the mall in 20 minutes, yes I know I said it was a 15 minute jog but it was my first attempt at exercise in a while so I had a stitch.

I entered WH Smiths and picked up a small notepad, different coloured ink/gel pens, glue and coloured pencils as well as felt tips.
After purchasing my new idea I jogged back home in the same time.

When I got home I saw none other than the piss taker himself, "you're back" he smiled as I stared blankly at him "im so glad to see you" he engulfed me into a bone crushing hug, usually I'd smile wider than the Golden Gate bridge but I cant bring myself to it, "I wish I could say the same" I reply walking up to my door trying to unlock it "why?" he asked genuinely not knowing what a git he's been "let me remind you from the schools pathetic loser of whom you couldn't give a shit about" I reply with nothing but anger in my mind from his lies "listen im really really sorry I had to-" "YOU DIDNT HAVE TO LUKE!! you had a choice when Michael asked you, whether to be a good friend like I thought you were and the boy who I fell in love with 5 years ago, the person you've been these past few weeks. Or the utter knob in which you chose to be, who only cares about his reputation in the school hallways. But life won't be like school Luke and im happy to know who you want to be because I dont want to be a second choice anymore." I finish while he looks at me with big sad eyes "you l-love me?" he said after a long pause "yes and you were right I did have a thing for you. And I still do but I c-cant be with you. And this is a goodbye Luke I don't want to be part of your life anymore." I say sadly because im still crazily, stupidly, madly in love with him "im sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed a friend. And im sorry I chose my reputation over you. I only wish I could turn back time." he sadly bows "goodbye Luke." I say entering my house as a stray tear falls.
A new beginning. A new beginning.

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Hey! This is quite emotional, cant wait for the future of this story!! I'll make it happier I promise :))