Success

3.

Sad beautiful tragic- Taylor Swift

It's been 2 months since that day with Luke, he's been avoiding me completely and I feel like im back to day one with him. The day when I didn't know what I did wrong or what was going through his head to stop speaking to me because I thought we were starting a new.

He's not with catty Catrice anymore, because she cheated on him with Michael multiple times and that's only to my knowledge. But him and Michael have sorted that. I guess friendship is everything. But then again I wouldn't know would I?
The bullying has actually gotten worse since their split and it's not just Catrice, it's the whole school who have turned against me, I walk down the corridors and hear constant words being thrown at me and I absolutely hate the attention. Then what hurts me the most, and absolutely breaks my heart is I see Luke watching me walk past him and he does nothing but stare while his best friends call me "fat" or "whale" or "Geek" but he just laughs and stares. This hurts me more than any other year Luke has ignored me because this time he's joined them.
~
The bathroom stalls seem a deeper shade of blue when you just glance at them. But seeing them through tears you see things for what they truly are. You see the world for what it is. A disappointment. That's what life is, disappointing.
I dig deep into my bag and grab my collection of blades in there and instantly pick one so I can slash the delicate skin on my arms. Every cut I make is a relief, that I can take whatever grief I have out on myself because I deserve it. Catrice, Michael, Calum, Ashton and most likely Luke are all telling me to kill myself so that's what im doing, every cut I make is an insecurity. My wounds won't heal they'll scar, so there isn't any point of trying to go to a clinic or go to support because I'll still cut it helps me.

I dab my fresh blood with toilet roll and flush it. I put my 100s of bracelets on and pull my sleeves down so no one will notice. I don't need their pity when they're the cause.

I walk out of the bathroom wiping my remaining tears and not bothering to go to my next class because im half an hour late anyway.
As i'm halfway down the corridors to get out of this shithole, the person who I hate the most and love the most at the moment comes walking in my direction. I really don't want to speak to him so I put my head phones in and turned Guns n Roses up while a tear slipped out down my cheek.

As I brushed past him, he grabbed my arm and dragged me into a near by closet "why are you skipping class?" Luke asked with concern "don't act like you care" I spat "listen Marie I'm-" "sorry? Oh don't give me this bullshit again. If you cared like you said you did then these past two months, you would've spoken to me, your friends would've stopped taunting me and I'd actually be happy." I internally cried out for help as he just looked down, ashamed "bye Luke." I said as I was about to leave Luke grabbed my wrist and a sudden shock of pain ran through my body from the wrist I was slashing in the bathroom "ahh." I whimpered "Marie?" Luke said pulling up my sleeve and bracelets to reveal my new and old cuts "n-no Marie" Luke looked up with sad eyes "I have to go" I said and immediately ran out of school as fast as my legs could take me and once again Luke was still frozen.

I ran straight home as fast as my legs could carry me. My house was empty per the usual so I could do what I wanted and my parents still wouldn't notice. I slam the door shut and crawl into the little ball I am and sob my eyes out, how can someone be so blind to what true sadness is? I know I've got depression, I don't need some doctor to tell me that I'm mental because I know I am. I feel I am. Everyday I look in the mirror and hate what I see and think "no wonder everyone mocks me, they only say the truth" now is that what an average teenage girl thinks? I think not.

After what feels like hours of sobbing on the floor, I hear many knocks on the door before I finally have the courage to wipe the tears from my face and slap the fakest smile known to man on my face.

"hiya" I smile before looking at the person, "oh cut the bullshit" Luke spat barging past me into my house as I followed him and my smile faded.
"what do you want luke?" I whisper feeling more ashamed than I was feeling a minute ago "I want you to be happy" he replied sitting facing opposite me and interlocking his hands in mine and looking me deep in the eyes "it sounds easier than it is." I said as a stray tear escaped my eye as I blinked "I know, I know" luke soothed as he engulfed me into a comforting hug as we curled up on the floor "I wanna say goodbye to pain and misery and just fly away" I cry "I know baby girl, Im only a short walk away" he soothes "I know luke but you can't give up on me this time" I sigh "look at me Mar," he starts as I look into his ocean blue orbs "we can fix these broken pieces together, I won't give up on you. My angel." at this point I was in floods of tears from his beautiful words "oh luke" I cry and snuggle into his chest as he kisses my head. "always" he says.