Marauder's Love

December

"I think we're just going to go home for Christmas," Remus answered Lily's question while we sat at the table for breakfast with Noelle sitting next to my brother and Lily and I sat across from them.

"Me too," Lily sighed. Christmas break is only two days away and I was ready to leave Hogwarts much to my surprise of even thinking like that, its been almost two months since the fight and we haven't talked since. It was like at the thought of him made my eyes automatically glance at him in the corner of my eye to see him stare down at his plate with James trying to talk to him but he wouldn't respond to his best friend. I know how it must look for me refusing to even speak his name. It's just that I can't.

"Sarah? Have you lost weight?" Noelle asks me making me snap out of my thoughts.

"I don't think so," I mumble, nibbling at the piece of toast. Lily eyed me for a moment before turning back to Noelle's and Remus's conversation. Are we even still dating? I don't know, I sigh. I scoop up my things, heading out the Hall with the feeling on multiple pairs of eyes on me but I ignore the feeling. The halls weren't full like usual probably its because I left the hall twenty minutes early. I walked around the halls with my book clutched to my chest as I continued to lazily walk to my next class. All of the day's classes flew by but I wasn't there, I was physically there but my mind was else where.

"You need to explain yourself," Remus stated to me while we sat in the courtyard, the giant fountain was frozen with the water frozen in mid flow. "Sarah, you haven't spoken to him in two months! You are turning into bones."

"I'm fine," I sigh with my arms crossed over my chest, chewing on the inside of my cheek.

"No," Remus said, shaking his head at me. "Your not. Why don't you talk to him?"

"I can't," I mumble. "How can I? How can you?"

"How can I ? What do you mean?"

"After everything he has done to you," I gasp. "He almost gave away your secret Remus, and you don't even seem like you care."

"Because I can forgive him, Sarah," Remus smiled down at me. "You need to forgive him."

"I don't know if I can," I sigh. "I don't know if I can." The tears begin to fall down my face, Remus takes me into his arms comforting me the best he can but I couldn't tell him that his gesture wasn't working. I can forgive Sirius?

You can do this, I think to myself as I walk down the hallway, you can give him another chance. Can I? Yes, I can. The hall was filled with smiling, laughing people that made me want to vomit at the sight of them but I clenched my mouth shut and continued to walk. I spotted Sirius the library like James said but something stopped me in my tracks. Sirius sat at one of the tables with a bright smile on his handsome face but it wasn't for me, he was smiling at a girl. She was the exact opposite of me in many obvious ways with her perfect tanned skin, shining brown hair, and bright green eyes. The two were laughing about something, she leaned in close to him placing her arm around his shoulder. I stared at the two for a while longer before turning my heel and walked out the school heading towards the lake. I couldn't feel my legs, it was like they were controlling and not me anymore.

The lake came into view after a short while of walking and the sight made my heart pinch itself, the water was shining in the bright sun with the gentle waves hitting the sand. Sighing, I sit down on a stone bringing my knees to my chest and resting my chin on the top of my knees. The girl's and Sirius's laughing faces kept flashing through my mind as I sat there watching the water. A sickening wave tightens the walls of my stomach, tears fall down my face as I grip clumps of hairs.

"Stop it," I growl to myself once I had gotten sick of weak and pathic me. I stayed at the lake side for the rest of the day until the sun started to slowly sink behind the mountain tops. I groan as I stand up from my seat feeling the cramps from sitting in the same position. I begin to walk back to the castle with my hands in my pockets and my teeth biting down on my bottom lip trying to block out his face from crossing my mind again, Gryffindor tower is soon just ahead of me making me smile slightly. After telling the Fat Lady the password, the door swings open to reveal the Common Room with of course the guys sitting there, all of them.

'You can do this,' I think to myself. I walk through the room making sure my head was held high with eyes facing forward and not even glancing at their little group. I feel their eyes on the back of my skull but I don't concern myself with them as I walk to the girls' dorm. Lily sat on her bed with her legs crossed, reading a magazine as she flipped through the pages.

"Sarah? Are you okay?" she asked, looking up from the magazine.

"Fine," I sigh.

"Nope," Lily whispers, throwing the magazine to the side. She sat up making room for another person.

"Come," she smiled while patting the bed. I sat down on the bed and held my hands in my lap while Lily just looked me over.

"What is going on?" she asked with seriousness in her voice. I explained everything to her, starting from the fight (skipping over the Remus part) to the two months of silence, and then to finding him with another girl in the library. Lily sat there silently not interrupting me as I spoke of my problems not speaking a word or showing emotion.

"What are you going to do?" Lily asked once I was done telling her the situation.

"I don't know anymore," I whisper. "I thought I could forgive him but he was with that girl. But then again I could be thinking something that's not really true. I don't know what to do."

"I think you should talk to him," Lily suggested.

"You think?"

"Yes," she smiled at me with bright eyes.

"Then I'll talk to him."

"Can I tell you something?" Lily said with a nervous face.

"Of course," I tell her with a small smile.

"I'm kinda dating James," she trailed off with raised brows.

"Finally."