Hilarious Facebook Statuses :)

#761-770

761. When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.

762. I want to come back as the .1% of germs and bacteria that nothing can kill...

763. If she doesn't have any of your hoodies, you're doing it wrong.

764. I didn't trip, I just attacked the floor with my mad ninja skills.

765. There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.

766. The coolest thing about being a dog must be the ability to use your own butt for a pillow.

767. My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.

768. The person who invented marriage was creepy as hell like hey yo I love u so much I'm gonna get the government involved so you can't leave.

769. There should be an 'lol' type acronym for "I'm not laughing but I acknowledge you were trying to be funny."

770. If I am lucky enough to live to be 100, I am going to make up some fake reason to explain my longevity just to mess with people... something like... I ate a pinecone each and every day.

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